Archive for allen iverson

Crickets.

Posted in Par-day Har-day with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2010 by ali

No homo.

I said it before and I’ll say it again. When the Gaykers lose their overly aggressive fans get real SILENT. I enjoy the silence don’t get me wrong, but I like the sound of the fair-weather fans with no noise coming out of their dropped jaws. As Mike would say, “Sorry son!” Haha…he’ll be pissed I used his quote on his own team. Bad girl. Good game. (Insert ass-slap here.)

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Oh happy day!

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 5, 2010 by ali

Wow, I am a total bitch. Allen Iverson’s wife filed for divorce today. Mike better watch his back. KIDDING!! I know you all want to kick my man while he is down but seriously, just be happy for me that now I won’t be lusting in sin. I’m also going to remind myself here that I need to post some articles that I wrote for this magazine called OCW. Not to be confused with OC Weekly. OCW is a medical marijuana magazine of sorts. Money is money folks. And I don’t have the kind of money that Tawanna Iverson will be getting in her divorce settlement. I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop cheesin’.

I got a shoulder you can cry on...a little lower...a little lower...

Yikes…

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , , , , on February 23, 2010 by ali

Seriously, get well soon and get back soon!

Via Fox Sports: Philadelphia 76ers guard Allen Iverson has left the team and is out indefinitely to spend time with his ill daughter.
Iverson will miss at least the remaining three games of Philadelphia’s road trip. Iverson missed five games and the All-Star game to be with his family when the health issue surfaced earlier this month. Iverson has not disclosed what is ailing his 4-year-old daughter, Messiah.
Sixers president Ed Stefanski says it was in the best interest of the team and Iverson to allow him time with his family to deal with a “very serious issue.”

When it snows, it snows.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2010 by ali

The most AWESOME show came on tonight, the E! True Hollywood Story: Basketball Wives. What I learned? Piston’s Jason Maxiell’s wife calls him “Pookie Bootie!” How embarrassing. I hope Rodney Stuckey teases the crap out of him. Stuckey looks like a shit talker. On the other hand, I am now a fan of Maxiell because he “stood by” his (then) fiancé when she was fighting ovarian cancer. He even shaved his head when she went bald. Damn you Maxiell for making this thug cry. I also learned, and no offence but Jason Kidd’s twin daughters have little moustaches. That shit ain’t right Jason. You have mastered the art of shaving your own head bald, maybe it’s time you teach the girls some of daddy’s techniques.

I am sad to report my favorite “warrior” ever Allen Iverson will not be playing in the All-Star game this Sunday. Sounds like an UN-happy Valentine’s day for me. He’s missed a bunch of games now “due to the illness of his three-year-old daughter.” Believe me, I’m sympathetic but I am guilty of dropping Haven off with the folks (when I worked full-time) when she was sick. Missing a bunch of 2 hour games and then the All-Star game must be serious! I hope she’ll be alright and I hope the haters put their hate on hold. Man I wish I was his daughter but not sick…and 18…and incest was legal. Haha, sorry I couldn’t help myself.

So I’m really not into the whole “Twitter” thing but now that I am posting my articles to mine I thought I’d try learning a little more about it. I started “following” Marlon Wayans (for obvious reasons) and today he started this comment-fest over John Mayer’s wiener. In case you didn’t hear apparently John isn’t a racist but his dick is. Priceless. Of course people are too up-tight (as usual) and made a HUGE deal about just voicing his preference. Oh, and he dropped an “N-bomb” which wasn’t cool…but he didn’t mean it in the way the rappers themselves mean it. Get it? Anyways, if you are on Twitter, check out Marlon because that guy is funny as hell. If hell was funny…if there even in a hell…

 Last but certainly not least I would like to say, Happy Black History Month! In honor of Black History Month (Wait, is it “PC” to say black in this instance? I don’t need Al Sharpton on my white ass!) I will continue to make out with my boyfriend, continue to love my attitude wielding teenage daughter, and show you one of the WORST commercials EVER! Actually, I did get a laugh out when I saw it. Mostly because I was embarrassed for them yet, jealous of their paycheck. This commercial to me is like a tampon or a Valtrex ad. You don’t want to be seen in them. You be the judge for yourself…I hope you like R&B…sorta.

We always hang in a Buffalo Stance.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2010 by ali

I don’t know if you noticed but I added Twitter to the side of the page. Yeah…I know, Twitter. Whateves. If you click on the links you can see the Q&A’s I am doing for this paper/online magazine called OC Weekly. I mean if you want. If you don’t go ____ yourself. You can insert your own adjective there. So needless to say I have been keeping busy with this new writing gig but I’ve still been keeping up with the who’s and what’s. That being said (DT); I don’t have anything against Gilbert Arenas or that Crittenton dude (besides that they’re on the Wizards and that is a lame name) but come the eff on NBA!! If I brought a gun to work, I’d be fired on the spot. If a basketball player does drugs he’s out. But these guys were suspended without pay? That’s it? Arenas’s contract is for 111 million dollars!!! So take a half season out of that and hells no. I’m so sick of celebrities getting over on shit that would ruin our lives if it happened to us. On a better basketball note (and besides A.I. looking fine), apparently Greg Oden from the Trailblazers has a big dick. There are “sexy” pictures of this “gas face” man butt ass naked and believe the ones I saw had a HUGE censor sign over the “junk” region. I guess it does pay to get busted with nekkid (as Arsenio would say) pictures on the internet. If I can’t find a full time job soon…you better get your sunglasses. You girl is pale.

I’m sure you’ve all (hopefully) seen “Gino the Ginny” but I had forgotten all about him until Mike brought it up the other day. So funny, he could teach the New Jersey Shore douches some dance moves. I sorta hope you haven’t seen it so I could be the “funny one” who showed you…

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2010 by ali

 

No glove no love. YOU HEAR THAT PC???

I know it’s been awhile but as usual, I have a valid excuse. I don’t know if you can feel my pain but my computer contracted a nasty STD we are calling “PC-HIV.” Apparently the spyware that my internet/ cable provider (Cox, no relation to Erin unfortunately) gives us customers FREE security as a “perk.” AS IF. After my computer became promiscuous and “opened up” to four different viruses, Cox told me they weren’t trained to remove the viruses. So let me get this straight Cox Communications. Between Cox and McAfee (the brand of the spyware) neither of you are trained to fix it?? Gotcha, so I’ll just be in computer hell because YOU offered a free service and oddly enough YOU can’t fix it. Unreal. I am about sick of being ripped the EFF off by Cox. Pun intended. It got me thinking about other things I am sick of. I’ll just give you a few because if you know me, then you know this list could go on and on and on and on and…you get it.

 Tiger Woods: Why don’t people stop blaming him for not being a good role model to their kids…be a damn role model yourself parents! That is what you are supposed to do in YOUR OWN LIFE. I am so sure you have never made a mistake right? Oh you’re perfect?? Bullshit. Tiger should NEVER release a statement about what happened in his own personal life. Wanna know why?? Oh I think you know, it’s none of your business. Maybe the guy wants to live his OWN life and make money in golf because he’s great. Blame his sponsors for making him famous. Can’t you just appreciate his “gift of golf” and step off his personal life? I see TONS of people stroking Kobe’s balls but have they forgotten he also cheated on his wife? Michael Jordan is a legend…who also cheated.  Who are you to judge?

 Kardashians ( ALL of them): Are you guys kidding me?? Yeah, Kim is beautiful but seriously folks. She’s famous for having a sex-tape with gross ass Ray-J. She’s now a role model but Tiger isn’t?? HA! What is wrong with this world? Everywhere I look there is a member of their over-rated family in my grill. Their whiney voices are like nails on a chalk board at this point. Khloe aka K-hole, aka Transvestite has a lot of nerve going on a show called “Fashion Police.” Are you f-ing kidding me?? Every single time I see that dude she’s wearing an off the shoulder shirt. ALWAYS! Always the same style, usually black. And you have the nerve to judge anyone’s style with that redundant look you rock? PLEASE!!! They might as well put me on there because I rock my black sweater 4 out of 7 days a week so I must be an expert! Oh, and I saw that Quick Trim commercial those ho’s are pitching and if you look really close, you can see Khole’s left nut. Let’s turn the attention to “The Uterus” aka Kris. How come they FULLY covered Bruce Jenner’s face lift but somehow Kris’s face keeps getting tighter and more stretched back every time I see her? Why don’t they cover that? I mean, since she’s famous for being the wife of Bruce Jenner. Sick family…and I mean sick in a vomiting kind of way.

 Anyone who has more than 8 kids: STOP F-ING AND GET A REAL JOB!! Seriously, you are nasty. We already have WAYYY too many people in this world. Not to mention a shitload of orphans who would LOVE to be adopted. You make me sick. Stop making a career out of exploiting your kids and get your tubes tied. Matter of fact, channels that help make these shows possible should be ashamed as well.

 Audi’s in Orange County: There must have been a sale on Audi’s because it seems like everyone and their mama’s can afford an Audi now. Remember when they were a classy car? Now they are the staple of the OC douche bag. (This does NOT apply to Taryn, he looks sexy in his.) The best part is you can get an Audi easy but when it comes time to repair your “luxury car” it’s pretty damn pricey. Case in point; a spectacular looking Audi sat outside my mechanic’s shop for three months. Why so long? The part was three grand…and no it wasn’t for a new engine!! Am I jealous because deep down I really want one? Haha, I can barely afford to fix my Jeep. You’d think I’d get a discount because I bought American. **RETRACTION: Thanks to the hottest cat lady EVER Kelly, I no longer have to feel bad about my friend Taryn driving an Audi and my eye-rolling for Audi’s. Turns out he drives a Volva…I mean Volvo. Phewwww!

 The 76ers losing: I’ll end this with the obvious. STOP IT!! Enough said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 7, 2010 by ali

Yep!! I’m talking to you Gaykers!! I guess Lamar’s cockiness last night was the team’s demise. Cockiness is next to douchiness. Isn’t that how the saying goes? Don’t worry Lamekers you are not alone. One of my all time favorite porky pig’s to “hate on” Mariah Skanky gave an AWESOME drunk ass speech at the Palm Springs International Film Festival (you’re not alone, I’ve never heard of it either). Why was she there? No idea. She sucks. But what doesn’t suck is her speech. In my book (also known as the Torali) it’s the best performance I have ever seen from her. Now let’s all thank the podium for shielding what is hiding behind it…her size 10 body squeezed into a size zero dress.