Archive for ali

I do NOT have abandonment issues.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2010 by ali

And I hope you don’t either. I’ve obviously decided to lay off the “blogging” for awhile to focus on my deadlines/my bill paying job. Damn. Life isn’t what I thought it would look like but as the VERY fine DT would say, “It is what it is.”

I will try to update when I remember. It sounds stupid but like I mentioned before, my e-mails, Twitter, and lame ass FB have taken over. To quote another time, this time a specific era, “K.I.T.” The era is circa MY 8th grade year. For the record, I just started to K.I.T. with my peeps from 8th grade. Why you ask? (Or you didn’t, you’re going to get the answer anyways.) Blame it on the Face face face face fa face facebook.  Like I care. Oh, and take care.

Don’t worry. It’s not goodbye. It’s like pressing pause.

I'll miss you. Or will I?

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Ummm…let’s pretend today didn’t count.

Posted in WTF? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2008 by ali

If you know me then you know I hate to lose. I wouldn’t say I am competitive…unless it comes to dominos (which I rule), Tetris (which I double rule), or the 76ers, which I will die loving. Of course since I HATE hypocrites and vowed to never be one…I must confess. Internally I almost feel like a jumper. I f-ing hate jumping. But since I didn’t jump on a band wagon and more or less was introduced to a team, I still feel ok about being so passionate about the Nuggets. I LOVEEEEE the 76ers because I always have. I LOVEEEEE the Nuggets because of Allen. And dayyumm, he was super foxy tonight for the season opener. I was thinking how shitty it would be to come out with a shaved head. I am thankful NO ONE as of yet f-ed with their hair in a way that pissed me off. Important in basketball; have the right hair. Another important thing to have in the best sport ever, glorious basketball; DEFENCE. YOU HEAR ME NUGGETS?? And listen 76ers…I let you down. I didn’t mean to fall asleep during the game tonight and not give my full attention to “Mr. Funny Guy Bosh” and shit, I forgot all about Jermaine “Shamm’on” O’Neal. OK, that is no excuse. I know, only game one but come on guys!! I expect more of you while I fell asleep on the couch only to wake up and realize you lost. I wonder what it will be like watching the game on Friday when the 76ers play the Knicks…and D’Antoni. Let’s get into the Nuggets versus the punk ass Jazz. Ughh…I don’t know why I have this strong dislike for Boooooozer, but I do. Yes, I have thought of the scenario when he comes up to me at a club…and I’d still say no. Yuck to the 4th power. And screw you Kirilenko, you look that that dude from the Muppets that is always screaming about his beeker.  Oh shit look…

Nuff Said…

Anyways. I am sad with Haven’s boo Carmelo (or as Hav calls him, Carmeeelo) for not playing tonight. We really could have used your Thuggish Ruggish Bone tonight Anthony. Wondering where Carmelo was tonight on the f-ing season opener?? Let me let you know…he didn’t play in tonight’s opener due to a suspension because of a DUI in the offseason. Now, I am no advocate of taking the f-ed up freeway, but listen, this happened on the off season. I have never had a DUI (Knocking on wood as we speak. And no, not Mike’s wood…you sicko’s!!) but, it has been my experience through first hand learning that you pay your “debt for DUI” immediately. What is this game suspension BS? Well, I guess if it was Kwame or any other player’s that name starts with a “K” (other than Kenyon) you should pay…but not Carmelo. We needed him tonight. The ultimate Pig Roast. You do the math. You better play Friday you asshole. Oh, and learned a lesson too you mofo!  

Tomorrow who really cares except the Suns game…Stoddie, you know I got chu. Eff Chris Paul…OMG, basketball is here and I am home. It’s going to hard to concentrate on getting a job when I feel my job is fan/heckler. Usually part-time but now…full-time. Close the children’s ears. Ali is in the hizzi. Float like a butterfly, sting like a beeeee-otch.

Viruses suck, and I’m not talking STD’s…

Posted in WTF? with tags , , , , , on October 1, 2008 by ali

I don’t want to point any fingers…although…last night some how my Microsoft Word stopped working. Well, it didn’t stop, more so it was deleted. After HOURS of troubleshooting, I decided to search my computer. While typing into the search option, “Microsoft Word,” my default came up with “Microsoft Publesher.” Sounds weird right? Spell check? Hold your “I’m a Professor from Standford” judgements. Did you forget I am the mother of a thirteen year old? Not sweet little Haven right? Only one so young would spell so bad. OK. Let me be fair as I vow to never be a hypocrite. I am a SHITTY, and I mean SHIT-TAY ass speller. Back to me blaming tomorrow’s leaders…I know it was her fault. Nevertheless, I spent four hours trying to fix it. I.T. Ali no more. I was a failure. Today I tried to reinstall the Microsoft program am guess what?? Nope, Kobe didn’t get a STD. (Speaking of viruses, which is crazy but I bet he built up an immune system at this point.) It wont install because some other program is running. WTF you say?? HA! Me too…except MANY, MANY more words to describe the feeling of ROXIO, some random ass music player I don’t even use, has taken over my computer in virus form. I am still at this point, 10:46 pm (for Roc who always wonders what time I am writing this…watching Rachel Zoe because I am an idiot.) trying to run security updates.  106,473 files have been scanned and 0 viruses have been detected. That is some bullshit folks. There is something lurking on my computer. NONE of my shit will open at this point. Oddly enough Internet Explorer will…letting me write this.

TV + Insomnia= Story of my life

Posted in TV + Insomnia= Story of my life with tags , , , , , , , on September 30, 2008 by ali

Today was a loooong day. I seriously have issues with sleep. I don’t know why it is my enemy. What the eff did I ever do to sleep in my past life, or the f-ing sleep fairies, or Mr. Sandman or whatever?? Shit, it must have been bad. I must have had some crazy ass dream in the womb where I kill sleep with a slow painful death…like the one sleep gives me when I can’t become one with, sleep. Nevertheless, it has made for some interesting TV “intrests” in my life. I have to confess the gayest shit you’re going to hear, maybe ever. I was seriously sitting here thinking, I wish they showed reruns of the Arsenio Hall show. Ahhh Arsenio. WHOOT! WHOOT! WHOOT! (That’s the sound of the dog pound bitches.) Hahaha, that actually might be the gayest shit but let me get back on track. Ahhh Arsenio. I love this man. Say what you want about this extra gums or his long fingers…I can dig it. I loved him in Coming to America. My first “black guy crush” with the exception of Michael Jackson. (Insert joke here.) I even wanted to name my first son Semi after his name in the movie. (Insert joke/nickname for a child named Semi here.) I got a sweet TV in my room via a Christmas gift from the folks in highschool. (Hanukkah gifts are much cheaper, imagine that!) I also got a VCR that year, that must have been the last year I was good. Since my dad had strict rules that my TV had to be off at 11 and Arsenio didn’t come on until 11:30…I had to tape it. Wait a minute, I think my dad was keeping me away from Arsenio!! Haha, damn. So anyways, I had this one tape I punched out the plastic pieces to make it so you couldn’t tape over it. Tonight, with Arsenio Hall on my mind and now yours….I give you my favorite episode ever. Forever ever?? Hell to the yeah.

This is for you Brittles…Jill came down with two-fifty. OHHH!! (ADC) 

Practice makes perfect? What if you’re already perfect?

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , , , on September 29, 2008 by ali

Let me just put this out there. I have a crush on a lot of guys. And while I am fairly certain my boyfriend is the hottest guy in my eyes, there is one that rises above even Mike. Who is this “hottest of all hotties?” Allen Iverson. Even his name is sexy. Allen and Ali Iverson. A.I. and A.I. Yes, it does have a nice ring to it huh? I don’t know what makes him so flawless; I’d like to thank his mama if I ever get a chance to meet her though. I think guys even have to look at this picture of perfection and want to make out. Even the straight ones. Go on, admit it if only to yourself. Allen was always hot to me even way back when he started playing for the 76ers. I miss those days. After I wipe my tears I have to say, in the end I am happy for his trade to Denver. I don’t think his odds are looking any better for the ring he sooo deserves but, if not for going to the Nuggets I wouldn’t have found JR Smith who is another hot ass. Not hotter then Mike, but damn….

So what made me think of #3 on a day like today? It’s another day I am awake. Everyday I breathe I think of this man at least 439 to 576 times a day. I don’t think I am a straight stalker so don’t get my love for “The Answer” (to all my prayers) as a crazy thing. I am merely here to give props and just put it out there. Who knows, maybe Allen’s former assistant’s half brother’s, veterinarian’s right hand “man” to the promotion director of payless shoe stores (who happens to be a tranny) will read this. And shim will tell his herrrr braider’s uncle twice removed (because he hooked up with the babysitter) baby’s mama. And she will tell Allen about me and then we will hook up and opps! The condom will have a hole in it and…just kidding…or am I?

He is fine as wine…second 41 and 42 are the best ever. Haha, that did sound stalker-ish.

FHF….Oh you didn’t know?

Posted in Par-day Har-day with tags , , , , , , on September 28, 2008 by ali
Frosty, Heidi and Frank

Frosty, Heidi and Frank

From 10-2 on 97.1, Frosty, Heidi, and Frank talk up the airwaves. They are hysterical, all three of them. Frosty is my favorite, people pick on him all the time…call him gay, fat, and a lover of young boys in particular. Haha, they are kidding of course, but I’m sure that’s why I love him so much. I tend to root for the under dog. Heidi is a lesbian…for now, and Frank is hot. You really need to check them out because they are FUNNY. So, yesterday was their 8-year anniversary and they threw a big bash at The Grove. You paying attention? That is two nights in a row at The Grove. Thought one: I really need to make a friend there. Thought two: I sense there will be more people there then last night. My friend Erin is also a fan so after minimal traffic and a 20-minute wait, we were in. It was packed with some of the finest people watching EVER.  (I will add pictures as soon as I get them off Erin’s camera.) You have to see the mix of people at an event like this for yourself and I suggest you get on the FHF train so you can hear and see what I am talking about. It was awesome. There was guy in a skirt with a huge plume like feather in his hat, random skanks, fat people making out…haha, hickies. Some guy even accused me of having fake boobs. Haha, I’m sure he was just being kind. Either that or tightening up those bra straps was the best idea I had all night. A bunch of bands played also because on Friday’s FHF do this thing called “Stay or Go” where a group plays two songs and people say…duh…stay or go. I am surprised they don’t have a better name for that segment because they are some witty mofo’s. For their anniversary party, they had some of the bands that got no “goes” perform live for a prize.  What I do know is the band with the black guy with the fro won the contest. What I don’t know is what the prize was because a couple cocktails, shots, and I pretty much remember that I had a good time and not much else. My boyfriend Mike met us there after he got off work to take me home because Erin had to get up early for work. Mike and I shut the place down. I was so glad he came up there not only for the ride home, but since he’s a fan too, it made it all the better. On a side note, he couldn’t have parked his car further. Haha, they brought Frosty, Heidi and Frank out a HUGE boob cake and Frank gave it a brumski. I called it from a mile away but it was still funny. I love piecing the night together…

Is this thing on??

Posted in Testies testies, one, two... with tags , , on September 25, 2008 by ali

This is a perfect idea from one of my friends DT. You don’t know him, he’s my old boss. Ok, he isn’t old…I mean he is a past boss of mine. Whatever, you get it. I feel like I need to “get the stress out”, “not keep it bottled up,” “take this pill and you’ll feel like the f-ing sunshine isn’t there to give you cancer,” or how that tranny trash Mariah Carey put it, “shake it off.” What better way then to work it out than here…through words…that you can pretend to be interested in. Life is a walk in the park it seems to some, but they are “special” so F them. I like to think I am a laid back person while I am uptight about some things. Like my 13 year old who is taking the whole “13” thing a little too literal these days. We’ll get into that at some point.

I gotta tell you though. My friends are a funny ass group of people. I notice in my elder years most of my friends are found at work…as this is where most of us spend the most time. Trust me, they did studies on that shit. I have a couple friends that are EXTREMELY hysterical and I will get there permission to post about them later. For now, I’ll just give you a little insite to my life…and how my day goes. It seems like everything happens to me…yes mom, the black clouds follow me. And yeah, I get it. I might have started on a self induced “rocky” (to say the least) start in my later teen years, but now, I have blossomed into a full on Gen X, confused and synical adult.  Watch out now, I’m raising America’s youth….tomorrows President. Oh my god, imagine that, a child of mixed races in the white house. I wonder if “the good” Reverend Al Sharpton would approve because she is sorta black. Yeah I said it. Fuck it.

So I went through what I like to call, “seating arrangement heaven” while in my old position at the company I still work for. Capeesh? Ok, so I sat by these two guys let’s call them…Dr. Brutus and Count Rocula. You know what? F it because when you peep the pure magic of the video you will see their names. Ali+my memory= what is douchey things I say that I would like to take back for $1400 Alex. Kids…methamphetamine have lasting side effects. Not that I know, just this one chick I know told me. FOCUS!! So Britt and Roc (my old cell..err..cube mates) are Olympic contenders for the 2010 fall fashion season in historic Shamokin, Pennsylvania. Oh you didn’t know? Please check out the proof I just happen to have. Not that I keep this link on file but you know…the photography IS phenomenal and all. And YES, I am aware that “DP” stands for other things than director of photography. Sickos you are.