Archive for the Testies testies, one, two… Category

“That’s cool with me it’s not my favorite but I’ll do it for you.” Tenacious D

Posted in Testies testies, one, two... on May 5, 2010 by ali

Working full-time and getting VERY little sleep is my newest excuse for not updating on a regular. I guess Twitter and stupid ass Facebook have taken over and made it easier to communicate. I mean, you say what’s on your mind and bounce! With a blog…you save it up and puke it out. Gotta change with the times huh?

I thought since I have pretty much nothing to say at this point in the day (besides I hope the Lamekers lose) I’d just post some reviews that OCW Magazine has up on their website. I still haven’t seen the magazine in person and I REALLY hope they post all of my articles on-line….we shall see. Right now there are four on there. Here are the three reviews and maybe you can guess which one is the forth. I like games. And bacon. Just thought you’d like to know.


Best part of the whole game…

Posted in Testies testies, one, two... with tags , , , , , , , on June 12, 2009 by ali

Lucky for you I didn’t pay any attention to the game tonight. Instead, I focused my small attention span on the fans. The only way I could figure out how to show you this stellar moment I noticed during the game tonight was to record it on my camera so I apologize for the poor quality, but not for the amazing commentary. (Shout out to my DVR! Yeah son.) Please follow along as one of the classy audience participants of tonight’s festivities proceeds to eat shit without her friends even caring. Wow…I made this drunk moment almost sound legit. You’re welcome whoever you are you drunkity drunk bottle blond! I hope you have aspirin for that ass ache tomorrow!

Wipe me down….

Posted in Testies testies, one, two... with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2008 by ali

Sorry I have been lagging. It’s not for loss of stories believe me. Recap: I have been sick as an mf-ing d-o-double-g since Friday night. It started with a slight sore throat and turned into a cough much like the “whoop there it is” cough. No bueno. Imagine my sinuses at Mr. Nevill’s funeral. I sounded like a seal sniffing. Double no bueno. After that I pretty much drugged myself silly with some nasty ass medicine that Mike picked up for me. While I am thankful he is the sweetest and went out and got the meds while I was on my death couch, he couldn’t have picked a more horrific choice. Peeps, if you catch this end of the year “bug” I am just giving my motherly advice. DO NOT, under any circumstances buy Theraflu “warming” cough medicine. Holy f-ing gross! I sincerely had a hard time keeping it down. It gives me the chills just talking about it!! So today I am feeling better, finally. Yesterday in the pouring rain I had to drive to Bellflower to write up a T&A bar for the magazine. Tonight…I still haven’t written it. The magazine is really starting to make me mad because for two months in a row, MY article was featured with some other bitch’s name. HUH?? Of course I called them out on it because as you know, I have a hard time not speaking my mind. They apologized last month for the mistake and promised to print a retraction plus update their website which also has MY article with some other bitches name. This month, same f-ing deal. I went the F off. As you can imagine, they were mortified and promised the same. I swear…ok, I swear I don’t know what to do. I do like to “write the random”…but shit man. Not for some other bitches portfolio. Triple no bueno. I do have to say; tomorrow morning at 8 am I am interviewing Fountains of Wayne (from “Stacy’s Mom” fame and not much else) for the mag. I am stoked because it is giving me experience for when I interview DJ Quik…although; I assume the questions will be a little more pornographic for Quik.

Sooooo school…well, school is cool. (Rap intended.) Today was a great day in school for me even though I still have a cough and pretty much sound like a transvestite with emphysema. I had some funny ass conversations, talked some basketball…which is why I will spare you tonight, and I nailed the “commercial reading” in my vocal coaching so in all, I am feeling pretty rock star-ish about it. Tonight I applied for an internship at 97.1, which happens to be my favorite radio station. Yes it’s talk but damn…music on the radio blows. That is why god aka Bill Gates fronted the money to invent the ipod. Thank you. Oh, the best part of the internship? It’s for my all time favorite show…FHF. Yeah bitches, Frosty, Heidi, and Frank. If you don’t know who they are, get familiar. They make me think of Abe…thank you for the invite to your party. If I wasn’t “seeing the light” I totally would have LOVED to put on an ugly CHRISTmas sweater and partied with you. Wish me luck folks….


Posted in Testies testies, one, two... with tags , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2008 by ali

While off being “laid off” I haven’t done much other then look for jobs. I’m at some sort of a “crossroads” (R.I.P Eazy. Hip hop legend, sexual experiment extremist, and founder of B.T.I.H.) in my life. All this searching really boils down to what employer offers benefits, because as you all know, kids are a hot mess. The problem with that is at my ripe old age, sitting in an office isn’t what I want to do. Sitting at home thinking about it isn’t really motivating either. I have a ton of ideas, most would be pretty fulfilling to the direction of the life I want…but they don’t include health care. And come 1/1/09 this bitch needs to either have benefits or pay a totally rude amount. Our government blows. Canada is always an option I guess. Oh, speaking of our neighbors to the North…notice the spectacular segway….

Yesterday was mah mah mah  myyyyyyy Sharona’s birthday. Like I told you before we went to see the most talented Canadian in Britt’s eyes, Mr. Steve Nash and his Phoenix Suns lose to the Los Angeles Clipper’s. It wasn’t a packed house because it is after all, just preseason. A Mai-Tai and two Mojito’s in,  the game finally started. The Suns were looking great with some new players…one I’ll just call “Baby Nash” and one little halfie named Lopez that I could have done without. When it was all said and done the Suns 86 to the Clipper’s 69. Nice to see Barnes on the Suns…he’s going to help out. Nice of him to wave to us too. I felt an instant connection. Oh, and stupid fat ass Shaq didn’t play. Eff Kazaam.

Is this thing on??

Posted in Testies testies, one, two... with tags , , on September 25, 2008 by ali

This is a perfect idea from one of my friends DT. You don’t know him, he’s my old boss. Ok, he isn’t old…I mean he is a past boss of mine. Whatever, you get it. I feel like I need to “get the stress out”, “not keep it bottled up,” “take this pill and you’ll feel like the f-ing sunshine isn’t there to give you cancer,” or how that tranny trash Mariah Carey put it, “shake it off.” What better way then to work it out than here…through words…that you can pretend to be interested in. Life is a walk in the park it seems to some, but they are “special” so F them. I like to think I am a laid back person while I am uptight about some things. Like my 13 year old who is taking the whole “13” thing a little too literal these days. We’ll get into that at some point.

I gotta tell you though. My friends are a funny ass group of people. I notice in my elder years most of my friends are found at work…as this is where most of us spend the most time. Trust me, they did studies on that shit. I have a couple friends that are EXTREMELY hysterical and I will get there permission to post about them later. For now, I’ll just give you a little insite to my life…and how my day goes. It seems like everything happens to me…yes mom, the black clouds follow me. And yeah, I get it. I might have started on a self induced “rocky” (to say the least) start in my later teen years, but now, I have blossomed into a full on Gen X, confused and synical adult.  Watch out now, I’m raising America’s youth….tomorrows President. Oh my god, imagine that, a child of mixed races in the white house. I wonder if “the good” Reverend Al Sharpton would approve because she is sorta black. Yeah I said it. Fuck it.

So I went through what I like to call, “seating arrangement heaven” while in my old position at the company I still work for. Capeesh? Ok, so I sat by these two guys let’s call them…Dr. Brutus and Count Rocula. You know what? F it because when you peep the pure magic of the video you will see their names. Ali+my memory= what is douchey things I say that I would like to take back for $1400 Alex. Kids…methamphetamine have lasting side effects. Not that I know, just this one chick I know told me. FOCUS!! So Britt and Roc (my old cell..err..cube mates) are Olympic contenders for the 2010 fall fashion season in historic Shamokin, Pennsylvania. Oh you didn’t know? Please check out the proof I just happen to have. Not that I keep this link on file but you know…the photography IS phenomenal and all. And YES, I am aware that “DP” stands for other things than director of photography. Sickos you are.