Archive for the Shitty vs Stellar Category

I do NOT have abandonment issues.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2010 by ali

And I hope you don’t either. I’ve obviously decided to lay off the “blogging” for awhile to focus on my deadlines/my bill paying job. Damn. Life isn’t what I thought it would look like but as the VERY fine DT would say, “It is what it is.”

I will try to update when I remember. It sounds stupid but like I mentioned before, my e-mails, Twitter, and lame ass FB have taken over. To quote another time, this time a specific era, “K.I.T.” The era is circa MY 8th grade year. For the record, I just started to K.I.T. with my peeps from 8th grade. Why you ask? (Or you didn’t, you’re going to get the answer anyways.) Blame it on the Face face face face fa face facebook.  Like I care. Oh, and take care.

Don’t worry. It’s not goodbye. It’s like pressing pause.

I'll miss you. Or will I?

Two for the price of one.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2010 by ali

Music to a Jew’s ears!! Look, I had a crappy day but then and I came home to check my e-mail and to my surprise, I saw something great. What is this greatness you ask? The 76ers get to select 2nd overall in the 2010 NBA Draft Lottery! Watch out now!! If there is a god I will get another great e-mail saying that Elton “Fat Neck” Brand has been traded. Hey, a girl can dream that this night will end on a good note!

My beautiful friend Kelly sent me some scandalous and riDICulous videos this week-end and I thought, I shouldn’t be the only one with these crazy ass videos stuck in the head. The boys (I pray they are “of age”)  should be ashamed of themselves, respetitively. Especially the skinny humping guys with the “gangsta” names.  Haha, I’m guessing they are gay because I don’t think straight dudes would all get together in one room and do this. In that case…they should switch up their ummm…techniques.

Prepare to be dazzled…especially by grey sweatpants guy in the newest made-up dance. Apparently you have to have a Youtube account to view this repulsive…I mean sexy thrustastic video. This guy breaks it down. I’m backing it up.

Don’t be skurred…

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , on March 24, 2010 by ali

Thank you Kelly for sending this to me. And thank you Grit’s Boy’s sister for sending it to Kelly. I’m not turned off Obama…call me.

Blame Canada.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , on March 21, 2010 by ali

Damn Steve Nash is funny…even if you don’t speak Canadian.

When it snows, it snows.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2010 by ali

The most AWESOME show came on tonight, the E! True Hollywood Story: Basketball Wives. What I learned? Piston’s Jason Maxiell’s wife calls him “Pookie Bootie!” How embarrassing. I hope Rodney Stuckey teases the crap out of him. Stuckey looks like a shit talker. On the other hand, I am now a fan of Maxiell because he “stood by” his (then) fiancé when she was fighting ovarian cancer. He even shaved his head when she went bald. Damn you Maxiell for making this thug cry. I also learned, and no offence but Jason Kidd’s twin daughters have little moustaches. That shit ain’t right Jason. You have mastered the art of shaving your own head bald, maybe it’s time you teach the girls some of daddy’s techniques.

I am sad to report my favorite “warrior” ever Allen Iverson will not be playing in the All-Star game this Sunday. Sounds like an UN-happy Valentine’s day for me. He’s missed a bunch of games now “due to the illness of his three-year-old daughter.” Believe me, I’m sympathetic but I am guilty of dropping Haven off with the folks (when I worked full-time) when she was sick. Missing a bunch of 2 hour games and then the All-Star game must be serious! I hope she’ll be alright and I hope the haters put their hate on hold. Man I wish I was his daughter but not sick…and 18…and incest was legal. Haha, sorry I couldn’t help myself.

So I’m really not into the whole “Twitter” thing but now that I am posting my articles to mine I thought I’d try learning a little more about it. I started “following” Marlon Wayans (for obvious reasons) and today he started this comment-fest over John Mayer’s wiener. In case you didn’t hear apparently John isn’t a racist but his dick is. Priceless. Of course people are too up-tight (as usual) and made a HUGE deal about just voicing his preference. Oh, and he dropped an “N-bomb” which wasn’t cool…but he didn’t mean it in the way the rappers themselves mean it. Get it? Anyways, if you are on Twitter, check out Marlon because that guy is funny as hell. If hell was funny…if there even in a hell…

 Last but certainly not least I would like to say, Happy Black History Month! In honor of Black History Month (Wait, is it “PC” to say black in this instance? I don’t need Al Sharpton on my white ass!) I will continue to make out with my boyfriend, continue to love my attitude wielding teenage daughter, and show you one of the WORST commercials EVER! Actually, I did get a laugh out when I saw it. Mostly because I was embarrassed for them yet, jealous of their paycheck. This commercial to me is like a tampon or a Valtrex ad. You don’t want to be seen in them. You be the judge for yourself…I hope you like R&B…sorta.

We always hang in a Buffalo Stance.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2010 by ali

I don’t know if you noticed but I added Twitter to the side of the page. Yeah…I know, Twitter. Whateves. If you click on the links you can see the Q&A’s I am doing for this paper/online magazine called OC Weekly. I mean if you want. If you don’t go ____ yourself. You can insert your own adjective there. So needless to say I have been keeping busy with this new writing gig but I’ve still been keeping up with the who’s and what’s. That being said (DT); I don’t have anything against Gilbert Arenas or that Crittenton dude (besides that they’re on the Wizards and that is a lame name) but come the eff on NBA!! If I brought a gun to work, I’d be fired on the spot. If a basketball player does drugs he’s out. But these guys were suspended without pay? That’s it? Arenas’s contract is for 111 million dollars!!! So take a half season out of that and hells no. I’m so sick of celebrities getting over on shit that would ruin our lives if it happened to us. On a better basketball note (and besides A.I. looking fine), apparently Greg Oden from the Trailblazers has a big dick. There are “sexy” pictures of this “gas face” man butt ass naked and believe the ones I saw had a HUGE censor sign over the “junk” region. I guess it does pay to get busted with nekkid (as Arsenio would say) pictures on the internet. If I can’t find a full time job soon…you better get your sunglasses. You girl is pale.

I’m sure you’ve all (hopefully) seen “Gino the Ginny” but I had forgotten all about him until Mike brought it up the other day. So funny, he could teach the New Jersey Shore douches some dance moves. I sorta hope you haven’t seen it so I could be the “funny one” who showed you…

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2010 by ali

 

No glove no love. YOU HEAR THAT PC???

I know it’s been awhile but as usual, I have a valid excuse. I don’t know if you can feel my pain but my computer contracted a nasty STD we are calling “PC-HIV.” Apparently the spyware that my internet/ cable provider (Cox, no relation to Erin unfortunately) gives us customers FREE security as a “perk.” AS IF. After my computer became promiscuous and “opened up” to four different viruses, Cox told me they weren’t trained to remove the viruses. So let me get this straight Cox Communications. Between Cox and McAfee (the brand of the spyware) neither of you are trained to fix it?? Gotcha, so I’ll just be in computer hell because YOU offered a free service and oddly enough YOU can’t fix it. Unreal. I am about sick of being ripped the EFF off by Cox. Pun intended. It got me thinking about other things I am sick of. I’ll just give you a few because if you know me, then you know this list could go on and on and on and on and…you get it.

 Tiger Woods: Why don’t people stop blaming him for not being a good role model to their kids…be a damn role model yourself parents! That is what you are supposed to do in YOUR OWN LIFE. I am so sure you have never made a mistake right? Oh you’re perfect?? Bullshit. Tiger should NEVER release a statement about what happened in his own personal life. Wanna know why?? Oh I think you know, it’s none of your business. Maybe the guy wants to live his OWN life and make money in golf because he’s great. Blame his sponsors for making him famous. Can’t you just appreciate his “gift of golf” and step off his personal life? I see TONS of people stroking Kobe’s balls but have they forgotten he also cheated on his wife? Michael Jordan is a legend…who also cheated.  Who are you to judge?

 Kardashians ( ALL of them): Are you guys kidding me?? Yeah, Kim is beautiful but seriously folks. She’s famous for having a sex-tape with gross ass Ray-J. She’s now a role model but Tiger isn’t?? HA! What is wrong with this world? Everywhere I look there is a member of their over-rated family in my grill. Their whiney voices are like nails on a chalk board at this point. Khloe aka K-hole, aka Transvestite has a lot of nerve going on a show called “Fashion Police.” Are you f-ing kidding me?? Every single time I see that dude she’s wearing an off the shoulder shirt. ALWAYS! Always the same style, usually black. And you have the nerve to judge anyone’s style with that redundant look you rock? PLEASE!!! They might as well put me on there because I rock my black sweater 4 out of 7 days a week so I must be an expert! Oh, and I saw that Quick Trim commercial those ho’s are pitching and if you look really close, you can see Khole’s left nut. Let’s turn the attention to “The Uterus” aka Kris. How come they FULLY covered Bruce Jenner’s face lift but somehow Kris’s face keeps getting tighter and more stretched back every time I see her? Why don’t they cover that? I mean, since she’s famous for being the wife of Bruce Jenner. Sick family…and I mean sick in a vomiting kind of way.

 Anyone who has more than 8 kids: STOP F-ING AND GET A REAL JOB!! Seriously, you are nasty. We already have WAYYY too many people in this world. Not to mention a shitload of orphans who would LOVE to be adopted. You make me sick. Stop making a career out of exploiting your kids and get your tubes tied. Matter of fact, channels that help make these shows possible should be ashamed as well.

 Audi’s in Orange County: There must have been a sale on Audi’s because it seems like everyone and their mama’s can afford an Audi now. Remember when they were a classy car? Now they are the staple of the OC douche bag. (This does NOT apply to Taryn, he looks sexy in his.) The best part is you can get an Audi easy but when it comes time to repair your “luxury car” it’s pretty damn pricey. Case in point; a spectacular looking Audi sat outside my mechanic’s shop for three months. Why so long? The part was three grand…and no it wasn’t for a new engine!! Am I jealous because deep down I really want one? Haha, I can barely afford to fix my Jeep. You’d think I’d get a discount because I bought American. **RETRACTION: Thanks to the hottest cat lady EVER Kelly, I no longer have to feel bad about my friend Taryn driving an Audi and my eye-rolling for Audi’s. Turns out he drives a Volva…I mean Volvo. Phewwww!

 The 76ers losing: I’ll end this with the obvious. STOP IT!! Enough said.