Archive for October, 2009

Speaking of awesomeness.

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , , , on October 31, 2009 by ali

I was watching Letterman tonight and to my surprise, Weezer was one of the guests! Speak of the devils! After watching them perform it was clear to me I know exactly what I want for Hanukkah this year. Besides Rivers Cuomo in a Snuggie….




Help a girl out.

Posted in alinotalli on October 29, 2009 by ali

I am drawing a complete blank this year on a costume for Halloween. It’s unusual really because I love Halloween! It’s never hard to come up with a winner so WTF is my problem? I guess at 34 I am thinking comfort over slutty so I decided to Bing “costume ideas.” I came across a website where people submit their funny ideas for witty costumes. Some were so great in fact I wanted to show you them just in case you too are struggling like me.

Bad School Picture– Use a piece of poster board or a cardboard box to create a large frame that will fit around your head and upper body. Wear some shabby clothes and make your face and hair look as ugly as possible, i.e., pimples, bad make-up, etc. Optional: Fashion a fake retainer out of wire.  (Submitted by Liana)

Grim Rapper- Wear a grim reaper costume, but accessorize with baggy pants, gold teeth, thick gold chains and a radio on your shoulder. (Submitted by Letty)

Ghoul Gone Wild- Dress up like a zombie, but wear a fake “chest” under your outfit, and flash at will. (Submitted by Stef)

You get the idea. I’m just here to help. And so is…

It’s baaaaack!!!!

Posted in Par-day Har-day with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2009 by ali

I don’t know why I-Tunes is hating…I got Weezer’s album last night (I have my ways) and it KICKS ASS!!!  Unexpected that I like Weezer? Just keeping you on your toes.

FINALLY basketball is back on!!! It feels like it’s been forever! Well, it was on last night (good job Celtics) but tonight is the night where all the REAL studs play. It will be a flip back and forth watching my 76ers, The Nugg’s, and Allen Iverson’s new team the stupid Memphis Grizzlies. Oh you didn’t ask what I’d be watching? Don’t care. I’m telling. It’s so weird looking at the teams with new and missing players. I’ll miss Andre Miller on the 76ers…I bet they will too. And for the record, if Elton Brand injures himself again I swear to god I’m going to turn to a voodoo doll to finish him off. You hear me EB? Speaking of injuries, I can’t wait to see if Iverson will play. If he doesn’t play tonight I don’t want to hear shit. He pulled a hamstring just like your beloved Pau Gas-hole and I didn’t see him playing. Just saying. Either way he will be in the house and I can’t wait to see his fine ass!! WHOO HOO!! Get ready Erin!! Basketball is back and I will be glued to my couch.

Before I go zone out on the best sport EVER, I heard something pretty funny today. I went in the liquor store to redeem my big winnings of $9 and behind me in line were two high school kids. Another guy walked in to the store who knew them and asked, “Hey bro, where ya working? Whatcha been doing?” The other guy goes, “I’m still in school. Didn’t you hear? Nick Davies got me kicked out!” What happened to get this 19-year-old high school student having to repeat 12th grade you ask? Well according to him, “Nick filled up four water bottles with Vodka and they each drank two full bottles and then went to school. We were blitzed!” Apparently this kid Nick can’t hold his liquor and got busted. Since Nick was sooo wasted and didn’t want to take the fall solo, he ratted out his boy and they both failed. Haha. The mother almost took over me because I wanted to shake him!! (I also wanted to smack him but violence isn’t my thing.) How can this douche bag be so f-ing dumb to blame his friend? Sounds like he drank more Vodka before the school day even started then I can handle in a whole evening! And believe me, this gal can handle her booze. Oh, not to mention that he was 18 and wasted. Sorry I just had to share with you a glimpse into the new “adults” of this world. I’ll drink to that. Actually…make mine a double.

Game on! 

Putting me in the mood for Halloween…

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , on October 24, 2009 by ali

DISCLAIMER: Contains language your mom wouldn’t like.

Just another Manic Monday.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 20, 2009 by ali

Where to start…I’ve been lagging I know. We celebrated Mike’s birthday on Saturday and whooo hooo he’s finally 30! Hello my name is Ali and I’m a cradle robber. (Hi Ali!) I also got a little part-time gig at my old school. It should be pretty cool although it isn’t going to be extra money in the end. It will however be extra experience, which works too. I forgot how hard it is to wake up “early” and how the traffic on the 405 in the morning is some bullshit. Good times. I also picked up another freelance writing job for a medical marijuana magazine. Talk about stretching one’s mind. Exactly. Work shit aside…

Erin and I went to see The Bangles last week after I won some tickets on Jill FM. Those bitches sound and look INCREDIBLE and they are 50!!! WTF? Note to self: apply more eye cream. I didn’t realize until we got there I only really know four songs so sitting through the other songs just meant stellar people watching. Which I love and which was excellent as expected. 

I’m still doing the countdown of course, eight days away in case you were wondering. I was so pumped because on NBA TV they air a few preseason games and this Sunday (after sloooooow moving…I mean exciting football) it was my 76ers and the Suns. Awesome right? (At least for me.) Well it turned out to be not so awesome because it was broadcast out of Mexico. Now don’t get me wrong, (Sandra the hater) I love Mexico. I just don’t love that they broadcast the whole game in Spanish. VERY UNCOOL. Not that I think Spanish is uncool…but…when I want to hear the commentary it makes it rather difficult. Although I did love the way they pronounced Stoudemire. They made it seem like he might be related (somehow) to Sonia Sotomayo. Brilliant!

So as you all know basketball is my thing, not baseball. Tonight however, my neighbor is going balls out crazy over the Dodgers/ Phillies game. I decided when he hoots and hollers at whatever the Dodgers are doing; I’d return the favor by doing the exact opposite. Lucky for my eyes…I turned this game on. I always think of baseball players as sloppy fat dudes who are nearing midlife so imagine my surprise when I saw this guy Matt Kemp on the Dodgers!! Hello daddy! I don’t know who he is but I must Google. I’m still not rooting for them though. (No offence Mikey) Not just because of my a-hole neighbor either, because of Jimmy Rollins. Damn…no I’m not switching sports but…damn!

Hip Hop Honors.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2009 by ali

Hell yeah. If you missed the Hip Hop Honors on VH-1 you are trippin. Truth be told, I actually almost missed it but thankfully Sharon called me to remind me. Tracy Morgan hosted this “25 years” tribute to Def Jam and it was AMAZING!!! Actually, it will never top the tribute to Jam Master Jay when DJ Jazzy Jeff KILLED it on the “ones and two’s” but it was pretty damn close. While anyone can cover “Rock The Bells,” not just anyone can be Redman or Method Man. THANKFULLY those two “Man’s” showed up and believe me, I was up and dancing. Makes me think of all the concerts Sharon and I have been to of Red and Meth. (We’re on a nickname of a nickname basis by the way.) What is it 11 times now? They rocked the damn house. Mine included. And Mary J. Blige? I rapped/ sang every word hoping Haven didn’t wake up and make fun of me for rapping. Hidden talents, you didn’t know? Also remarkable was Foxy Brown…who I miss to no end. I love me some Foxy Brown. Not in that way sickos…you wish. She looks like she packed on more than a few pounds but I don’t care. I wish she’d go on tour and only do her old shit. New stuff is fine but her old stuff was the best. You really need to catch it on a re-run. You wont be sorry. Well, if you don’t like Hip Hop then you’ll be sorry you tuned in but you get what I’m selling.

I also wanted to mention a R.I.P. to Captain Lou Albano. I used to love watching WWF with my dad when I was a kid. George “The Animal” Steele was my favorite but Lou Albano was a close second. I gained a newfound love for him when he was in Cyndi Lauper’s video for “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” which was played the eff out on my record player. Yeah I said record player. I’m old so what? I will never forget Lou’s piercing in his cheek with the rubber band hanging off of it. Sick but obviously an innovator. I mean, I am guessing T.I., aka Tip, aka Rubber Band Man got his inspiration from Lou. Rest is peace Lou. 

17 days…

Posted in Par-day Har-day with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2009 by ali
Screw Football.

Screw Football.

After a LONG day of watching boring ass college football it’s finally time for mofo-ing basketball!! Even if it’s just pre-season count me in. It’s baaaccckkkk. (Poltergeist accent) Tonight on TNT the Suns are hopefully going to bring the “whoop ass” for the Warriors. Although, good job last night Warriors. I see you showed the Gaykers what’s up. Well played. Actually, not you Stephen Jackson, but the rest of you. Tonight the Warriors will be going down like Lamar Scrodum on Andrew Bynum. Coincidently, I would NOT like to watch that love fest. Ever. Just so we’re clear. GO SUNS!

UPDATE: Apparently the Suns left their “whoop ass” supply in Arizona. BOOOOOO!

Hopefully the Nuggets will beat the Pacers this time, they owe them one. They are playing in Beijing and the camera angles are HORRIBLE and every player looks fat like in a funhouse mirror. I wonder why China is full of technical geniuses but they can’t make Chauncey Billups look like he weighs less than 400 pounds. Talk about a wide lens. GO NUGS!!!