Archive for August, 2009

Chocolate News.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2009 by ali

So quick to judge. I’m talking about David Alan Grier’s now cancelled show Chocolate News. Comedy Central if you are listening, BRING BACK DAG!! Last night my Sharona and I went to the Improv to check out Mr. DAG in the flesh. SUPER funny…a lot of arm sweat, but funny nonetheless. My favorite quote of his all night? “Long, brown, and a quarter pound!” Priceless. The Improv is pretty much a sure fire hit whenever you go, mostly for the people watching. (One of my favorite pastimes) We were lucky enough to sit next to this white trash couple that were semi-heckling him, I pray he didn’t think we were with them. I suspect they snuck in their own booze. Speaking of, there was also a girl who didn’t know her limits and actually stood up to talk her smack. Of course DAG shut that down. Ahhh drunk girls. There is always one that is over done at the Improv. I suggest if David is in your area you check him out. Show the boy some love, after hearing about his love life issues last night, he could use it.

 By the way, R.I.P. DJ AM. You were an innovator on the tables. I like to think when a celebrity dies of an over-dose it’s a total accident. Like, he’s got it made; he wouldn’t really want to die. Although if I survived a plane crash I’d probably turn back to drugs. I just wouldn’t take that extra hit. 

 

English 101.

Posted in WTF? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2009 by ali

While I can take criticism pretty well, sometimes you just have to address it when it is really wrong. See, I got some comments from a f-ing idiot named…well we will just call her “Sandra.” Sandra took it upon herself to pretty much try to “tell me off” with her comments on a blog and with it, came some spelling and punctuation that would make my ex-English teacher mom cringe. She commented three times in a row matter of fact. All fired up huh? She just couldn’t get enough of one woman’s opinion I guess. I love that MY opinions make her so angry. I love it seriously. I also love that this chick posted with a fake e-mail address. Believe I did the research. Not valid. Hey Sandy, you can’t be “ballsey” and not have balls. I thought I’d post her comments like she wanted so this mysterious C-word could see her name in lights. Then, we shall never speak of her again and she can take her hate elsewhere. Hopefully, she’ll take her crusade to another Baisden hater. Trust, there are PLENTY! I also took it upon myself to play the role of “my mom” (IN BOLD PRINT) and hooked her up with a little English 101. SUCK IT SANDRA.

 ***From SANDRA***I see that you are an igorant (THAT’S IGNORANT…YOU ARE MAKING IT TOO EASY!!) classless low life female who has to reduce (FORGOT THE D, YOU KNOW, LIKE IN DUMB?) herself to childish name calling.  (IT’S NAME-CALLING AND IT’S MY BLOG. I SAY WHAT I WANT.) I don’t have to change my opinon (OPINION A-HOLE) of your racist behind. (HAHA, RACIST BEHIND. WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF ME? DAMN, YOU MUST BE COUNTRY!) This is a public site and you put it out there and I commented. (WOW, THANKS FOR TEACHING ME HOW BLOGS WORK. I HAD NO CLUE!) I think that you are a racist.  (HAHA…IF ONLY MY BED COULD TALK) Why did you remove my comment.  (FORGOT THE QUESTION MARK. MAYBE IF YOU ASKED ME THE QUESTION IN A PROPER WAY, I WOULD ANSWER IT.) Yes, I am a friend of Michael Baisden (OHHH LOOK AT YOU!!! SPECIAL…ED) and I know for sure that he is not a racist.  (WELL THEN MISS “KNOW’S WHO AND WHO ISN’T RACIST.” MOST OF THE THINGS I HEARD HIM SAY WERE PRETTY MUCH ANTI-WHITE. AT TIMES, ANTI-ASIAN AS WELL AS ANTI-HISPANIC. I HEARD IT WITH MY OWN EARS. I CAN BACK MY SHIT UP.) If he was such a racist, then why would he have a website called “iseecolor” that he created for all races.  (LIKE I SAID OVER AND OVERTHE POINT IS TO NOT SEE COLOR.) You propably (PROPABLY? ISN’T THAT WHAT MJ OVERDOSED ON?) wanted his behind and he didn’t give you a play (DO YOU MEAN ANY PLAY? OR IS HE GIVING OUT PLAYS NOW?) and that’s why you are angry. (OMG, SICK SICK SICK. I’M COOL SANDRA. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HIS ASS ALL YOU WANT. HE’S ALL YOURS. I THINK I JUST HURLED IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE.) Give it up. (GIVE IT UP? HAHA, HAVEN’T HEARD THAT SINCE THE ARSENIO HALL DAYS!)  I think you just want him. (AGAIN, SICK. LIKE BIRD FLU SICK, HIV SICK.) You just a classless low life (I FEEL “LOW LIFE” IS A CRACK ON MY 5’ 2” HEIGHT AND FOR THAT, SCREW YOU.) miserable lonely women (IT’S WOMAN. I AM ONLY ONE PERSON.) who need (YOU MEAN NEEDS…PLURAL HONEY.) to get a man. (WELL WELL, SINCE YOU ARE SOOO CONCERNED WITH MY LONELINESS I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE “BUBBLE BURSTER.” I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BEAUTIFUL MAN FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS. NO “NEED A MAN” ISSUES HERE!)

***HERE IS ANOTHER E-MAIL I GOT FROM THIS MYSTERY MF-ER THAT IS PRETTY MUCH A CUT/PASTE JOB…SPELLING ERRORS STILL INCLUDED. THANK YOU FOR THAT. REALLY, IT GAVE ME SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY INSOMNIA TONIGHT.

Why do you keep deleting my comment. (YOU FORGOT THE QUESTION MARK) If you are women enough to put the post up why not be women enough to handle the criticism. (AGAIN, QUESTION MARK?) Like I said, I see you are a classless, low life, ignorant female who needs to get into childish name calling. (SEEMS YOU ARE THE NAME-CALLER BUT, OK) This a public website, (I’M CERTAIN YOU MEANT, THIS IS A PUBLIC WEBSITE.) if you put a blog out there then you should expect that people are going to disagree with you. (BACK AT CHA) You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine. (ABSOLUTELY, AND YOU SHOULD ALSO GIVE A VALID E-MAIL SO YOU CAN GET THE REPLIES I SENT YOU ABOUT HOW MUCH I COULD CARE LESS WHAT YOU THINK. WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE POST!) I don’t have to dislike Michael Baisden because you do. (DUH! I DON’T REMEMBER SAYING YOU HAD TO AGREE WITH ME. NO GUN TO YOUR HEAD YA KNOW?) I disagree with you, If (NO CAPITAL NECESSARY ON THE WORD IF) Michael was such a racist then why would he have a website called “iseecolor” for all racist. (AGAIN, DON’T SEE COLOR. DON’T DO IT! WAIT, FOR ALL RACISTS? EXTRA EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT. SANDRA SAYS GO TO THAT WEBSITE; IT’S FOR ALL RACISTS!!) To me you sound like a racist, angry and bitter women who needs a man. (WE COVERED MY LACK OF LONELY.) You are calling me challenged and you mispelled (THAT WOULD BE MISSPELLED HAHA) yourself. (I CAN’T BE SURE BUT I ASSUME SHE IS REFERRING TO ME MISSPELLING MICHAEL BASIDEN’S LAST NAME. IF SO, I JUST DID ON PURPOSE AGAIN BECAUSE I COULD CARE LESS TO SPELL CHECK IT. DEAL WITH IT.) You understood what I meant, (YOUR MISSING A SEMI COLON, THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS ; IN CASE YOU’RE WONDERING.) this is a blog site, not a business letter or a school paper. (NO SHIT!! I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO CUSS LIKE THIS IN SCHOOL WHILE WRITING A PAPER NOR WAS I ALLOWED TO USE THIS LANGUAGE IN A BUSINESS LETTER. NOTHING GET’S BY YOU HUH?)

Why do you put blogs abou (FORGOT THE T) your boys (UMM…MY BOYS? ARE YOU REFERRING TO WHITE BOYS? WHO THE EFF IS RACIST NOW? WOW.) white racist like Bill O’Rielly, (IT’S O’REILLY) Hannity, (NOT FAMILIAR W/ HANNITY, NO COMMENT) Rush Lumburh (HAHA HIS NAME IS LIMBAUGH) and other racist (FORGOT THE S) on television and radio. (WAIT WAS THAT A QUESTION? I DIDN’T SEE A QUESTION MARK SO I GUESS NOT.) YOu (I NEED NOT TELL YOU TO CHECK YOUR CAPITALS DO I?) are a bitter, angry, no class, racist.  (AGAIN WITH THE RACIST COMMENTS. I AM CERTAIN IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ THE REST OF MY BLOG YOU WOULD KNOW I RARELY HATE ON THE BLACK MALE.)

 OUCH!! IT REALLY HURTS ME SANDRA. AS IF. MOSTLY,  I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR OBVIOUSLY SENDING MY LINK TO YOUR FRIENDS (I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE CLIENTELE YOU RUN WITH) SO THEY TOO COULD CHECK OUT A QUICK BLOG I WROTE OVER A WEEK AGO. OLD NEWS OLD BAG. IT JUST DRIVES UP MY VISITORS AND MAKES ME LOOK MORE POPULAR. OH, AND I DELETED YOUR COMMENTS BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO FEEL TOO STUPID ABOUT BEING A GROWN ASS “WOMAN” WHO’S GRAMMAR IS WORSE THAN MY 14 YEAR OLDS. MY ADVICE? TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT HOW SOME “WHITE GIRL” IS TALKING SHIT ON A “BELOVED” FRIEND OF YOURS. HOW DARE I HAVE AN OPINION? REALLY, I COULD USE THE “HITS” ON MY BLOG SITE. MOZEL TOV.

 PS-  IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU MIGHT BE THE ONE ALL ON MB’S NUTS.  JUST MY OPINION. OH SPEAKING OF, I HAVE NO PROBLEM BEING 5’ 2” AND “TELLING YOU THAT YOU’RE A BITCH TO YOUR FACE” LIKE YOU SAID IN ONE OF YOUR COMMENTS. WHO SAYS THAT AFTER YOU GET OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL? HAHA, REALLY CLASSY SANDY.

Forgiveness.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 28, 2009 by ali

I know I talked a lot of shit when DJ Quik only performed three songs at that concert thing but now I have officially let it slide. Today, (like every other day) I was watching TV and really got a good look at one of the new Foot Locker commercials. It was awesome, a few guys rapping and flossing…haha. So I’m looking at this guy and was thinking he looks an awful like Rashard (Boo) Lewis from the Orlando Magic. After rewinding it a few times, I went to You Tube to investigate. Turns out this most awesome commercial not only features Rashard Boo as Ice-O, it also has Andre Iguodala (as Chief Blokka), Mo Williams (as Fog Raw), and Kevin Durant as Velvet Hoop. Hysterical and oddly enough, The Hyperizer’s are better rappers then most of the shit out today. (T-Pain, Soulja Boy, Drake, and the guy who sings “Birthday Sex,” whatever his name is…I’m talking to all of you.) Well, if you aren’t a fan of the best sport EVER then it might not be that funny to you, but you get the matzo ball I’m throwin’. Quik also makes a cameo looking the best of all in the video so for that, I forgive you. Speaking of forgiveness, thanks to this commercial I forgive Andre Iguodala for only doing the hook and not laying down a verse. I forgive Rashard Lewis for taking a “drug enhancing” pill to help with stamina. Hey, sometimes you can be hot and have penis problems. I get it. I also forgive you Mo Williams on behalf of my new blog buddy www.eygotitall.com who hates neck tattoos. As for Kevin Durant, well he’s off the hook because he looks like my senior prom date. Last but not least, I will forgive you Allen (The Answer to all my dreams) Iverson if you go to the Grizzlies. I think. I’m not a big fan of what I like to call the “fake ass expansion teams,” aka The Grizzlies, The Raptors, The Thunder (from down under), and The Whornets. But hey, he looks good so I will think about it. Ok, forgiven.

And not to be a total You Tube whore BUT…this video deserves an honorable mention. Another example of how editing a bunch of bullshit is better than the “music” that is out today. Fo shizz.

Can a Bobcat be sexy??

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 24, 2009 by ali

Apparently they can be. (I forgot about Raja Bell, damn sexy.) While I am not the hugest fan of twitter, I do check in to see what my Boo Allen Iverson is doing besides looking fine. A few days ago he said he was between three teams, Miami Heat, NY Knicks, and the Charlotte Bobcats. I guess at this point in my own personal A.I. loving career I was hoping of the three, he’d end up in NY. Trust, he’d look good in any color and I don’t care who he plays for, I’m tuning in. Fan of the team or not, I am a die-hard Iverson fan. The point of my explanation of lust? This is part of an article I just read…Dime magazine’s Aron Phillips spoke to an unnamed source that works in the NBA and said that Allen Iverson has worked out the details of a contract with the Charlotte Bobcats, but the deal won’t be official until next week. Yikes. Note to self: Apply for jobs in North Carolina.

Shame shame

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2009 by ali

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the House Ho’s of Hotlanta!! I am not ashamed to say it. To be fair, I have been hooked on all the “House Ho’s” no matter what city they are in. HOOKED. That being said (DT), there is something that is really bothering me about a particular member of the Hotlanta cast. I heard Gayle King (BFF of Oprah) say on some “after the show” type of show that she thought Nene and Lisa were the most “real” of the cast. Nene, ok I see that. Bitch tells it like it is, she’s my fav too. But Lisa?? Are you f-ing kidding me? This bitch (bitch in a bad way, NWA accent) has the nerve to say after going to a fertility doctor to have yet ANOTHER kid, she’s worried about having a baby after 35. HA! How about having baby number FOUR when your over 35? Oh what? When Lisa said she’s the mother of a newborn you didn’t realize that was her THIRD newborn? Turns out Lisa, little miss judgmental, lying, bankrupt baby bag actually has two other kids (11 and 14) with the one and only Keith Sweat. The former Mrs. Sweat aka Lisa Wu (tang) Hartwell lost custody of her kids in 2003 because of the judge felt, “the children lacked structure in their lives, due in substantial part to mother’s numerous business ventures and frequent trips out of town … mother has a history of spending money on herself excessively rather than providing for the children … There was some evidence at trial that mother implicitly participated in robbing father in the presence of the children. She also took money from father prior to the initiation of this matter. This behavior causes the Court to question mother’s maturity and judgment.” WOW. You are so fake you are worse than Kim’s boob job. Listen up Gayle King, BFF of Oprah, YOU ARE TRIPPIN!!! Yes it’s true her other two kids aren’t shown because Keith Sweat won’t sign a waiver, but really Lisa. You could mention your kids. Don’t front like you waited so long to have kids with Ed and fronting like you are a new mom. You just want your kids now to exploit them on TV for your benefit like always, right Lisa? You can then have a more prominent role in the “House Ho” enterprise and spend the money on you instead of your kids like usual right? Maybe you should have invested in your now numerous bankrupt business ventures. Planning is everything…unless your BFF is Oprah. Lisa, you may be pretty in the face but you are beyond ugly to me. BEYOND. Pathetic.

Let me clarify.

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2009 by ali

Being unemployed sucks when there is a movie called “The Time Traveler’s Wife” being promoted. I F-ING HATE THAT COMMERCIAL!!! I see it at least thirty times a day. I hate the damn song that plays, I hate Rachel McMole’s voice…I hate it. I mostly hate being unemployed though. Seriously, where is my job already?? I barely have shit to report on. My parents suck big balls right now, my kiddo is now 14 so she is the bomb.com (just ask her), and Mike…well he is great. We did go to this awesome (yet disappointing) show called “Fresh Fest” this last Saturday. It was a pretty cool line up. Naughty By Nature, Whodini, Doug E. Fresh, Big Daddy Kane, and the SUPER fine DJ Quik. That’s actually where it gets hairy. Quik looked so damn fine, white Adidas jumpsuit and cornrows. Yummy. So while the people watching was at an all time high (spirit fingers and fat boys…I will explain on request only) when my personal “climax” of the show happened (aka Quik came out) I was severely disappointed with his three songs. Three?? Really? Listen here you fine ass mofo. This was the 12th time I have seen you in concert. Mike’s first time. How can I brag about what a great performance you give when you come out and do three f-ing songs?? You have TONS of hits!! WTF was that? Ughh, it’s going to be so hard to talk Mike into seeing him at the HOB in September now that he thinks you give a bad show! I was so pissed. Like I actually wanted to see the shitty pre-show. Any who, it happened to be great timing when we left…as soon as Quik said good night. I mean, we weren’t the only ones who wanted to leave as soon as sexy ass DJ Quik left the stage. Case in point, Mike and I were standing at the cross walk waiting to go to the car and whom do we see? Katt Williams. For the record, he is taller than me. Mike told him he was a fan and in true “Ali” fashion, I proceeded to be me. I said, “Hey Katt, you should have performed!!” He laughed and I guess the $13 beers got the best of me so I reenacted his “I ain’t ever seen a bootie so fat” dance. If you don’t know what that is, I suggest you catch his amazing stand-up act and get familiar. Yes I’m an idiot, but as my beautiful boyfriend pointed out, Katt got a good laugh and hopefully when he talks about a “crazy white bitch on an L.A. street corner” it will be me he is talking about. Wow, I need a job.  

PS- If you don’t happen to like my views on Michael Baisden’s racist ass because you are a “personal friend” of his, you can personally tell him I said to sick it up his nasty, racist, charity money stealing ass. SUCK IT YOU GRAMMAR CHALLENGED BITCH. 

HA HA. Michael Baisden is a racist. Pt. 2

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 13, 2009 by ali

I received my “e-mail blast” from The Urban Buzz tonight. You know, where I got that astonishing (as if) news about Ja Rule last week?? No? Nothing?? Well anyways, tonight’s news was AMAZING and very satisfying. Straight from the horse’s mouth: KDAY-Los Angeles has dropped the syndicated Michael Baisden Show. HELL TO THE YES!!! I hate Michael Baisden. He is among the handful of people in the spotlight who keep racism on black, excuse me, African American’s alive. I hope every station follows suit and drops this a-hole. Unfortunately, Steve (also keeping racism alive) Harvey will now be on the airways of Los Angeles. I hope it isn’t a long run for him either. I hope people will open their ears to the “marital advice” Steve Harvey gives and remember he is divorced from his wife because he CHEATED on her. I also hope people will hear the way he shit talks white people and turns in to repulsive “Rev” Sharpton anytime some one dares say something about blacks…excuse me, African Americans. Matter of fact, please don’t refer to me as white anymore even though I am as white as the pure driven snow. Please refer to me as American. After all you racist f-ing douches bags, we are all American right??