Archive for February, 2009

Dirt of ya shoulder….

Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2009 by ali

Ughh…basketball is at an all time SUCK right now so what else is there to talk about? I’m glad you asked. After what I thought would be a “quick” trip to my local Ralph’s turned into an extra 10 with my “frozens” melting and my veggies still lying on that nasty ass rolling belt I got to thinking, and I thought I’d share. (By the way, I was trying to do my part by not using produce bags. Although, I did choose plastic. Sorry Erin.) Take it how you want it but if you know someone like this do me a favor…pass it on. PLEASE, somebody tell me why in the hell are people still writing checks? Let me rephrase because if you want to write a check for your bills I’m OK with that…not like you care but really…let me plead my case. Why, why, WHY do people have to write checks at the grocery store? I don’t give a damn if you are 80 years old grandmas; it’s f-ing 2009!! Get a goddamn check card. Or a prepaid card if your credit is shit, or use cash! Remember cash? I guess maybe you got mugged in good old Lake Forest and you feel scared to carry money with you? Oh, maybe your pimp takes all of your $1 bills after your shift? I’m really trying hard not to judge here but as I ask myself who in shit sakes is writing a check…there you are. ALWAYS in front of me in line. I’ve got about 20 minutes to spare and I pick the long line so I can read the US Weekly for free, there you are. I am in a rush to pick up the kiddo or see some b-ball; there you are to make me late. You are the ultimate check stand cock-blocker. HELLO? I am talking to you check writing mofo’s out there please…I beg of you. STOP IT!! No one likes you, we all roll our eyes at you and we all think….WT. Seriously, all bullshit aside. Stop.


Get educated.

Posted in Par-day Har-day with tags , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2009 by ali

So last night I FINALLY got to go somewhere A-W-E-S-O-M-E for the magazine!! Whoo hoo! It was called “Hip Hop 101” and it was at the LA Sports Arena. With the media pass in hand, we had crazy access to errrrything if you catch what I’m throwing. I took some pics (available on request), had some drinks, and stood in front of the front row. It was a total VIP moment. Back to reality…I also had to go to some Wahoo’s 20-year party this morning for the mag. It brought my ego riiiight back down to the ground! Lucky for me, a bunch of the marketing mofo’s from my old job were there. It was SOOO good to see them; I always have ST employee withdrawals. Oh, and happy belated b-day Candace! If I had my Outlook calendar I totally would have told you on time!!

Today and tonight’s basketball was worth forgetting, especially the beat down the Pistons got (OUCH!) so I am just going to post two sweet pics from my Luda & Common extravaganza. I met John Salley backstage and jumped around with Seth Green in the “before” the front row. Good times…. no, GREAT times.

This man is not only a legend, he could breast feed me standing up.

This man is not only a legend, he could breast feed me standing up.

5' 2" meets 5' 2"

5' 2" meets 5' 2"


Posted in Shitty vs Stellar with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2009 by ali
I miss you already...

I miss you already...

Today was a sad day indeed. Today my favorite radio show Frosty, Heidi, and Frank ended. Actually, 97.1’s talk format ended so everyone was laid off. Hey, I feel your pain although they will be sitting much prettier than me. (Leykis, I am talking to you!)  I guess the owners of KLSX thought what the world needed was another radio station to play another EFFing T-Pain (in my ears) song. Awesome. Oh, another awesome thing I was thinking is its soooo great that they are doing big ass lay-offs in a field that I am going to school for as we speak! Sweet timing.

Frosty- I love you and your 50-inch waistline. You are always my favorite. Heidi- if I went that way I’d totally hump you. Well, if you did your best “Jessica Tandy” while we were doing it. And Frank. Awww, Frank you hot piece of ass. With your tooth-tainer in that is! You gave me so many laughs and seriously got me through the last 8 years. You all taught me so many things, like who’s going to hell, how to remove that unwanted hair, show tunes and of course, the best whiskey money can buy. And the best gift of all? You brought friends together who shared the love of your family that we all felt a part of…FHF FOREVER. We’ll be listening for you sooner than later hopefully!

After their last show they posted this video on their website. No shit, I cried. Hey don’t be judging me!!! I had a moment.

Heyyy nowwwww!!!

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2009 by ali

OK, back to life. First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN YOU OLD HAG!!! You don’t look a day over 34 you beautiful thing you! Phewww…I feel better now! So, Vegas was fun, fun, fun! Here is the fast forward version. We had a shitty room, got a better room, saw some basketball, missed some basketball, bet on basketball, lost our bets on basketball and played some Wheel of Fortune. Oh, and drank too much. Good times as expected. And our rental car kicked ass, a Dodge Charger. Oh man I loved that car! I never drove it but I loved being the scrub hanging out the passenger side. We made it home in time to get Haven (who was fresh of her cruise to Meh-he-co) and to watch the All Star game. While a televised physical beat down is never good to see, it was really fun to watch Backdoor Bryant put that fake smile on and ball hog while trying soooo f-ing hard in an ALL STAR game just to end up sharing the trophy with the real winner who coincidently wrote a catchy rap tune in his honor. Something about his ass?? Yeah…awesome.

Lastly I must address something that has been on my mind since I heard the news late last week. Allen, baby, sweet love of mine. What the Eff were you thinking? I don’t care what your “wife for now” thinks. You looked better with the braids. You’ll always be #1 (and #3) in my heart, it’s just, well….ummm…cut me some slack. I am still processing this.

Las Vegas…viva that is

Posted in Par-day Har-day with tags , , , , , on February 12, 2009 by ali

Well folks, I am off to Vegas until Sunday. I’ll totally be thinking about all of you…and Rhiforeheada…and 8 baby bitch. Yeah..ok. This is actually good news for all of you b-balling hateraide drinkers… for now. But you just wait. I will be having the last laugh because I’ll be catching All Star weekend somehow and I can’t wait to report back! GO EASTSSIIIIIDE!!!!


Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , , on February 11, 2009 by ali

I’ll keep this brief….I am SOOOO glad they added J.R. Smith Boo to the “All-Star Slam Dunk” contest!!! Sorry Rudy for your strained hip but from day one I said J.R. Boo should be a participant. Ms. Cleo Lerman?

I got something you can dunk on....

I got something you can dunk on....

WTF is wrong with people?

Posted in WTF? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2009 by ali

First of all, the Grammy’s are lame. Neil Diamond killed it though. Haha…ok, and M.I.A. completely knocked up with practically a baby arm hanging out, it was pretty awesome too. It’s funny because I hear Chris Brown beat up a chick and he’s on the lamb from the cops aka “one time.” Coincidently, Rhiforeheada is the chick he pimp slapped. My guess is she heard about her Boo with some skank on tour. And we all know what that means. (Insert porn music here.) I can’t wait to see how it plays out. I am sooo mature. Secondly, basketball sucked to the capital S today. I’m sure you know why so I’ll spare you the details. Ughh. So while hating on colors that do NOT match, I came across an interesting and sick article. I mentioned the story before about “Little Caylee Anthony”, as Nancy Grace (hi friend) would say, and how her mother Casey is a delusional bitch who killed her. Well in typical capitalizing fashion, a CHRISTian no less, decided to make an “inspirational” doll dedicated to Caylee Anthony. (R.I.P.) The a-hole made a doll (that looks nothing like her) called “The Inspirational Caylee Sunshine Doll.” What a dumb-F. And the most twisted part? As if making a doll for a dead 2-year-old baby wasn’t bad enough you say? Well this bastard tried to “pull an Angelina” and donate proceeds to charity. Why is this bad you ask? Because this piece of shit is donating $3 of a $30 doll to charity. That’s why. He’s a dick and he’s trying to make money off of a baby that was left in a trunk with heart shaped piece of duct tape over her mouth. EFF YOU! Oh wait…he takes one more sick turn on the road to Satan. This doll also sings, “you are my sunshine” just like the video of Caylee that they played over and over and over and you get the point, on Nancy Grace. Double EFF YOU!! Luckily thanks to intelligent advice of the general public, the sales have been immediately suspended. Of course that’s not stopping this shit for brains from selling t-shirts and bracelet’s. The asshole’s name you ask? Jaime Salcedo. I am only giving this F-wad a shout-out because I think you should all put him in your bad thought prayer chain. Amen.

FYI- If you need to see this display of filth better you can click on the image to view it bigger. Back to hating on Jaime “Burn in Hell” Salcedo…