Archive for October, 2008

Ummm…let’s pretend today didn’t count.

Posted in WTF? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2008 by ali

If you know me then you know I hate to lose. I wouldn’t say I am competitive…unless it comes to dominos (which I rule), Tetris (which I double rule), or the 76ers, which I will die loving. Of course since I HATE hypocrites and vowed to never be one…I must confess. Internally I almost feel like a jumper. I f-ing hate jumping. But since I didn’t jump on a band wagon and more or less was introduced to a team, I still feel ok about being so passionate about the Nuggets. I LOVEEEEE the 76ers because I always have. I LOVEEEEE the Nuggets because of Allen. And dayyumm, he was super foxy tonight for the season opener. I was thinking how shitty it would be to come out with a shaved head. I am thankful NO ONE as of yet f-ed with their hair in a way that pissed me off. Important in basketball; have the right hair. Another important thing to have in the best sport ever, glorious basketball; DEFENCE. YOU HEAR ME NUGGETS?? And listen 76ers…I let you down. I didn’t mean to fall asleep during the game tonight and not give my full attention to “Mr. Funny Guy Bosh” and shit, I forgot all about Jermaine “Shamm’on” O’Neal. OK, that is no excuse. I know, only game one but come on guys!! I expect more of you while I fell asleep on the couch only to wake up and realize you lost. I wonder what it will be like watching the game on Friday when the 76ers play the Knicks…and D’Antoni. Let’s get into the Nuggets versus the punk ass Jazz. Ughh…I don’t know why I have this strong dislike for Boooooozer, but I do. Yes, I have thought of the scenario when he comes up to me at a club…and I’d still say no. Yuck to the 4th power. And screw you Kirilenko, you look that that dude from the Muppets that is always screaming about his beeker.  Oh shit look…

Nuff Said…

Anyways. I am sad with Haven’s boo Carmelo (or as Hav calls him, Carmeeelo) for not playing tonight. We really could have used your Thuggish Ruggish Bone tonight Anthony. Wondering where Carmelo was tonight on the f-ing season opener?? Let me let you know…he didn’t play in tonight’s opener due to a suspension because of a DUI in the offseason. Now, I am no advocate of taking the f-ed up freeway, but listen, this happened on the off season. I have never had a DUI (Knocking on wood as we speak. And no, not Mike’s wood…you sicko’s!!) but, it has been my experience through first hand learning that you pay your “debt for DUI” immediately. What is this game suspension BS? Well, I guess if it was Kwame or any other player’s that name starts with a “K” (other than Kenyon) you should pay…but not Carmelo. We needed him tonight. The ultimate Pig Roast. You do the math. You better play Friday you asshole. Oh, and learned a lesson too you mofo!  

Tomorrow who really cares except the Suns game…Stoddie, you know I got chu. Eff Chris Paul…OMG, basketball is here and I am home. It’s going to hard to concentrate on getting a job when I feel my job is fan/heckler. Usually part-time but now…full-time. Close the children’s ears. Ali is in the hizzi. Float like a butterfly, sting like a beeeee-otch.

“Real Love” Mary J. Blige

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , on October 29, 2008 by ali

Someone’s in the singing mood cause….Haaaallejulah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Haaalaayyyyjuuuuleh….    B-ball is back son. Yeahh son, yeaahhh son. Basketball my love, I wish I could fully express how over the moon I am that you’re back in my life. Bringing bad calls and sunshine disguised as 3-point shots. I even loved skulking at Billy Goat Bryant when he carried his team (as usual) to a win tonight over the shitty Blazers. Duh. And I loved how all the hype was on Greg Oden coming back. If you don’t know who Oden is, he’s the 20 year old “phenom” from Ohio State that wasn’t even living up to all the hype tonight. And what happens? Oh you know…it played out like a movie. He isn’t doing so hot and BAM! Injury. 7 feet might hurt if you’re falling, and yes, you can hurt your foot but for god’s sake Odem. You f-ing rode pine all last season (and got paid more than all my friends put together) and now in the opener you give up after scoring NOTHING and fake and injury and you’re out of the game? Opps…did I say fake? I love the beginning of the season. I like to put the old “Lerman Hex” on certain players and playas early on. Tomorrow the 76ers play the Raptors at 6pm EST and what do you know? I’ll be home. Working my mental mojo on Chris Bosh and his adam’s apple. And at 9pm EST I will be checking out the best in the west when Allen “hottest man alive” Iverson and the rest of the Thugget’s take on the Jazz fingers. Can’t wait to see Boozer grow a beard in the duration of 4 quarters. His facial hair really should be declared as the 8th wonder of the world. I gotta get my game face ready for yelling at the TV. The neighbors got a taste of the season opener when Cleveland was stomping on Boston tonight. Good thing it ended up as planned because tonight was just one glorious day into the best thing ever invented…besides my kid…basketball.

Speaking of basketball…so there is this show on Bravo “Housewives of Atlanta.” Haha…it is the exact opposite of the “Housewives of OC” but still with money. Hey, don’t judge me. It’s a guilty pleasure. You watch “Dog the Bounty Hunter” or movies like “Teeth” and “The Backyardigans” and I watch the damn Housewives of Hotlanta. Yeah, I said it. So one of the house ladies is Eric Snow from the Cleveland Cavaliers wife!!! HA!!! He should be ashamed of himself. Tonight she said he was, “the Captain of the Cleveland Cavaliers” and it’s weird. To my knowledge he’s had “bench-ass” since February. Like retirement bitches. Funny, a couple weeks ago she was hiring a house staff to unpack her family’s luggage when they visit. Unreal how people get money and get LAZY. I assume that is who invented the lollypop that you push a button and it twirls for you. A lazy ass rich person. For the lazy-licker I think. I bet Mrs. DeShawn Snow has one of those. Actually…maybe two.  I don’t want to dump too much on poor DeShawn “misguided” Snow. She had a rough night with her fundraiser. Trust me; you DON’T want me to bore you with the details.

I also want to say, I try not to talk too much about my kid on here because I don’t know what kind of pervy a-hole will be reading this drooling while eating Fruity Pebbles. It can happen folks. But I’d just like to add a section, a little “side note” if you will. I love that phrase, “side note.” I’ll try it out and see how it goes.

*SIDE NOTE* Actual conversation between mother and daughter…word for delicious word.

Haven: Ughhh…why do people wear Spandex when they bike ride?

Me/Mom: Ummm, it makes them more aerodynamic?

Haven: Whatever, I’m just saying, if you want to wear Spandex in your personal life do it in private at your home. Like, that’s your business. But come on people, don’t wear it in public! Ewww.

Me/Mom: Drrroppppp. That’s the sound of my jaw dropping. Haha…little be-otch.

Oh, and screw all those assholes on the corner today with their “Yes on 8” posters. I hope all your kids end up gay and in turn, it actually ends up effing YOU in the ass…who’s gay now? NO ON 8!!!

I think it just hit me….

Posted in TV + Insomnia= Story of my life with tags , , , , on October 27, 2008 by ali

I really don’t have to get up and go to work tomorrow. Whoa. Yeah, it just hit me. I usually start to wind down about this time (11:45 pm for you Roc), maybe it’s because we watched Dexter and Entourage on HBO east siiiide tonight and the night just seemed to breeze on by. It wasn’t until Mike said, “Ughh…I have to work tomorrow” that I realized, and I don’t even need to go to bed. For what? This is the time I could do a colon cleanse, I mean, I ain’t got “shit” to do right? (Pun intended) I could get back into drugs and clean my house top to bottom, lose some weight in the process…just kidding. It’s like I was telling my friend Jude (former co-worker) the other day. The sky is the limit for me. What kept me in Cali was the job. Now I am sincerely free to look for jobs anywhere. Denver, Chicago, New York or ideally Pennsylvania. Yeah that’s right bitches. Home of the ever stellar, ever going to kick ass this year Philadelphia 76ers. Just sounds sexy no? Haha…not to change the subject as I was just about to drool all over the 76ers…but Mike just informed me after watching this exercise commercial (which was pretty much a workout for a stripper) that he draws the line at me losing too much weight and becoming a stripper. J.H.C. There go “sky’s the limit” plans I guess. I was just about to mention how it was a dream of mine to be a size zero and slide up and down the brass pole that hasn’t been cleaned in 3-4 vaginas. Damn him for ruining my train of thought and crushing my dreams…

Whyyyyyyy???? (Hands to the sky)

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , on October 26, 2008 by ali

I can smell it in the air. Allen Iverson is here in California breathing. The Answer to my answer is no, I won’t be in the house cheering on the Nuggets as they beat the LA Clipper’s. Why you ask? Who would say no to sitting though a Nuggets game while the next seat over a female fan screams, “I love you A.I.”, “Whooo J.R.!!”, “What’s the matter with your eyes ref?? That was a foul!!”, “I brought the Magnum’s Allen!!” amongst other obscenities? My wonderful boyfriend Mike. Wonderful might be an understatement…take that how you want. Last night I decided to move my job hunt to the Denver area. I’ll get a sweet job working for the Pepsi Center and they’ll comp me some season passes to the Avalanche which I will trade on Craigslist for season tickets to the Nuggets. Haven will shovel snow in the winter…good times. Yes of course, Mike can come too. It will be hard for me to drive home from the games after all, with one eye closed due to all the…err…Pepsi I will be consuming. See, I have it all planned out. And not that I really needed to cheer on my Boo and the Nuggets because how it ended up going down…well, like a drunk club bitch in the back of a car. (that’s means it went down) Final score? Of course I’d love to tell you. Clipper’s 92- Nuggets 106. I almost feel the stinging from here…3 days folks….shit I can’t wait.

Whooooah!!! (Joey)

Posted in WTF? with tags , , , , , , , on October 24, 2008 by ali

So I am only going to touch on this briefly because it doesn’t deserve ANY attention really. Life lessons: Sometimes life has other plans then you had and it makes you feel bad. Sometimes people are disappointed and take things personal and sometimes…just sometimes…real friends are your best friends. Jesus H. Christ…some people need to take a deep breath and realize they will have problems getting respect in general because as my dad says, “Give respect AFTER respect is given to you.” Maybe that’s a New York mentality but what the F ever. Huh?? You’re confused? Well then like the other 98% of the population, you don’t read too much into things, something’s just are not that big of a deal. So to any people who I offended…accept my apology. I can only say it’s ok to have a little fun and you should know it’s ok to be loyal, you should try it actually. Amazing things happen when you have real friends on your team. If you don’t know what I am rambling about, then accept my apology also for having to listen to me explain myself.

NEXT……

So today was one of the longest days ever. I have reached the point of complete boredom. I always dreamed while sitting at my desk…I wish I was home watching Maury. Turns out Maury in only on two times a day. Yeah, what do I do for the rest of the day?? Ummm…nothing. I told Mike I pretty much need to get a waitressing job just so I have something to talk about. I still think winning the lotto would help my boredom…at least it would take me out of store like Big Lot’s and put me into the “bigs” like Super K. As in Super J/K. Tomorrow I have HUGE plans to watch Maury and hit the net again for something I actually want to do for 8 hours a day. I envy all of you who know what you want to be when you grow up. 5’2″ and ummm, 24ish and I am still confused. I am sure tomorrow it will all become clear….shit, it is tomorrow. Happy belated birthday Jack, sorry I missed the drinks but believe I toasted to you while at home tonight.

1:38 am…what do I care what time it is??

Posted in The Answer with tags , , , , , on October 23, 2008 by ali

Seriously…like I have to wake up for something phenomenal tomorrow…err…today. This time off is some soul searching shit. I sincerely struggle with being stoked I don’t have to work tomorrow and missing the peeps that I worked with. Ughh…Mike is stirring. I know he has to work tomorrow. I am in the midst of talking him into going to the Nuggets game on Friday. It’s not looking good but a girl can hope. He is a good man. Up on time all the time, (which is more than I can say for me) barely drinks, is oober talented and does manual labor all f-ing day? Damn…good things come in fine packages. And my package? DJ MIC B. I am not even close to being tired though thinking of what kind of jobs I will search for tomorrow make me exhausted. Bullshit. I wish I could win the lotto and have time to kick it and relax after all the struggle that landed me back to square one. Good old square one…got me thinking I wish I was one. I really need to invent that time machine everyone is dreaming about. One more chance…I’d go to Georgetown and hook up with A.I. Hey…I’m no fool….

Untitled

Posted in Testies testies, one, two... with tags , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2008 by ali

While off being “laid off” I haven’t done much other then look for jobs. I’m at some sort of a “crossroads” (R.I.P Eazy. Hip hop legend, sexual experiment extremist, and founder of B.T.I.H.) in my life. All this searching really boils down to what employer offers benefits, because as you all know, kids are a hot mess. The problem with that is at my ripe old age, sitting in an office isn’t what I want to do. Sitting at home thinking about it isn’t really motivating either. I have a ton of ideas, most would be pretty fulfilling to the direction of the life I want…but they don’t include health care. And come 1/1/09 this bitch needs to either have benefits or pay a totally rude amount. Our government blows. Canada is always an option I guess. Oh, speaking of our neighbors to the North…notice the spectacular segway….

Yesterday was mah mah mah  myyyyyyy Sharona’s birthday. Like I told you before we went to see the most talented Canadian in Britt’s eyes, Mr. Steve Nash and his Phoenix Suns lose to the Los Angeles Clipper’s. It wasn’t a packed house because it is after all, just preseason. A Mai-Tai and two Mojito’s in,  the game finally started. The Suns were looking great with some new players…one I’ll just call “Baby Nash” and one little halfie named Lopez that I could have done without. When it was all said and done the Suns 86 to the Clipper’s 69. Nice to see Barnes on the Suns…he’s going to help out. Nice of him to wave to us too. I felt an instant connection. Oh, and stupid fat ass Shaq didn’t play. Eff Kazaam.