“Michael Vick? That’s my dog!” -Mike

Words from an angel’s mouth aka Mike. Shameful…haha. Well another exciting Sunday filled with football (and Dexter) is behind me…thankfully. (Well, not the Dexter part!) I noticed today that the football hand signal for “false start” is the same as the hand signal for “traveling” in basketball. You’d think that the NFL could come up their own original hand gestures. I don’t blame them I guess…people always want to copy cool things. Not that you care (I do, so suffer through it), but here is what I learned today about, “The Answer is how to look fine at 34 Alex.”

I miss you again!!! DAMN YOU IVERSON!!

Head coach Lionel Hollins said Saturday night that Iverson’s departure was “indefinite.” Owner Michael Heisley said Iverson’s absence has nothing to do with his displeasure about his role on the team.
“I’m not going to get into the personal reason but it has nothing to do with the other stuff,” Heisley told the Commercial Appeal, referring to Iverson’s unhappiness over his sixth man role. “I’m the guy who said he could go. It’s a real family issue that I don’t think should be reported.” “I flew out there to try and calm things down,” Heisley said. “I don’t feel good about losing and that there’s a lot going on in the media. But we need Allen. “He has to make some adjustments. This is something we knew we’d have to address. But Allen leaving has nothing to do with a penalty or Allen being (annoyed). There’s no another agenda.” (Source: ESPN/ COMMERCIAL APPEAL) 

I don’t know what the hell is going on with Iverson but it sounds serious. Just in case it is serious, I would like to pass on the “blessing” that the Mormons offered me in the parking lot today at Ralph’s. Awww, how sweet am I? I sooo deserve to win the lotto now right? 

Fresh from ESPN…WTF?

Allen Iverson was granted permission to leave the Memphis Grizzlies to deal with a personal matter, the Memphis Commercial Appeal reported on Saturday. Iverson had a meeting with Grizzlies owner Michael Heisley Friday night after the team lost 114-98 to the Los Angeles Lakers, the newspaper reported. Iverson met with Heisley again Saturday morning and then left for Atlanta, the Commercial Appeal reported. Iverson lives in Atlanta during the off-season.

What do they mean it’s “not known if he will return?” What the hell? Sooo bummed because I was looking forward to seeing his mug tonight against the Clipps. Thought I’d maybe be talking a little smack with Ernie who is the only Clippers fan I know. Not to mention the A.I. withdrawals I had during the off-season. Of course this will be a perfect time for all of the haters to come out and talk their smack about Allen. That aside (and screw you haters), I really hope that the “personal matter” isn’t that something is wrong with his family except maybe his…haha simmer down, I am only kidding. I’ll be investigating to see if I can find out what really happened to make him leave. Instant Saturday night plans. Shiiiit, I don’t want to sit here and watch the Nugget’s get WAXED for the second night in a row. Again the final score might not stress the beating they are receiving. Who knows at this point? But trust me, it ain’t nothing nice. Double WTF. 

“The first cut is the deepest.” Sheryl Crow

Ahhh Friday, the night of great match-ups. It was/ is such a good basketball night and I can’t think of doing anything else besides sitting on the couch doing what I like to call, “game flipping.” Still to come is A.I. and the lame Grizzlies playing the stupid Gaykers. It should be a beat down but at least there will be something to look at besides unnecessary close-ups of Billy Goat Bryant. Speaking of things that don’t look good…Nuggets, I am talking to you. Bad, bad, bad night boys. Yeah the final score didn’t seem that bad. But the whole game was BAD. Trust me. Damn you Chalmers for making it rain three’s and damn you D. Wade for just being great. Sweet Thuggets, I guess the run had to end sometime and after tonight’s game I think you should just go home and relax. Dim the lights and turn on the tunes. Maybe a little Ice Cube? Might I suggest a song? I’d actually like to dedicate it to Chauncey Billups. “No Vaseline” is going out to you Mr. Big Shot. I mean it seemed to be somewhat of a theme in the game tonight. I’m just here to help.

Happy Halloween?

It ain’t what it used to be folks. In the spirit of Halloween if you want the crap scared out of you (and who doesn’t love that?) please click on the link to the right called “Shellter- The Movie.” It’s a horror flick filled with blood and gore that I am too wimpy to watch. Why and I telling you to click on the link and watch it then? Because you are not a wuss like me and because a beautiful, talented, and surprisingly sweet mentor of mine, Michelle Merker produced it. By the way (BTW for the kids), it’s not surprising that she is sweet. It’s just surprising if you know her and put it together with this flick. Its already won awards at film fests so check it out!!

Be safe out there tonight. Mmwwaaahhahahaha. (Evil laugh accent) 

PS- HELL NO that is not me in that picture!! Haha I seriously can’t believe someone asked me that. Although I often enjoy dressing like a sailor and/or Cat Woman (mostly for Temple) that in no way means either of these two H-to-the-IZZO’s is me.

Speaking of awesomeness.

I was watching Letterman tonight and to my surprise, Weezer was one of the guests! Speak of the devils! After watching them perform it was clear to me I know exactly what I want for Hanukkah this year. Besides Rivers Cuomo in a Snuggie….

 

 

Help a girl out.

I am drawing a complete blank this year on a costume for Halloween. It’s unusual really because I love Halloween! It’s never hard to come up with a winner so WTF is my problem? I guess at 34 I am thinking comfort over slutty so I decided to Bing “costume ideas.” I came across a website where people submit their funny ideas for witty costumes. Some were so great in fact I wanted to show you them just in case you too are struggling like me.

Bad School Picture- Use a piece of poster board or a cardboard box to create a large frame that will fit around your head and upper body. Wear some shabby clothes and make your face and hair look as ugly as possible, i.e., pimples, bad make-up, etc. Optional: Fashion a fake retainer out of wire.  (Submitted by Liana)

Grim Rapper- Wear a grim reaper costume, but accessorize with baggy pants, gold teeth, thick gold chains and a radio on your shoulder. (Submitted by Letty)

Ghoul Gone Wild- Dress up like a zombie, but wear a fake “chest” under your outfit, and flash at will. (Submitted by Stef)

You get the idea. I’m just here to help. And so is… www.costumeideazone.com

It’s baaaaack!!!!

I don’t know why I-Tunes is hating…I got Weezer’s album last night (I have my ways) and it KICKS ASS!!!  Unexpected that I like Weezer? Just keeping you on your toes.

FINALLY basketball is back on!!! It feels like it’s been forever! Well, it was on last night (good job Celtics) but tonight is the night where all the REAL studs play. It will be a flip back and forth watching my 76ers, The Nugg’s, and Allen Iverson’s new team the stupid Memphis Grizzlies. Oh you didn’t ask what I’d be watching? Don’t care. I’m telling. It’s so weird looking at the teams with new and missing players. I’ll miss Andre Miller on the 76ers…I bet they will too. And for the record, if Elton Brand injures himself again I swear to god I’m going to turn to a voodoo doll to finish him off. You hear me EB? Speaking of injuries, I can’t wait to see if Iverson will play. If he doesn’t play tonight I don’t want to hear shit. He pulled a hamstring just like your beloved Pau Gas-hole and I didn’t see him playing. Just saying. Either way he will be in the house and I can’t wait to see his fine ass!! WHOO HOO!! Get ready Erin!! Basketball is back and I will be glued to my couch.

Before I go zone out on the best sport EVER, I heard something pretty funny today. I went in the liquor store to redeem my big winnings of $9 and behind me in line were two high school kids. Another guy walked in to the store who knew them and asked, “Hey bro, where ya working? Whatcha been doing?” The other guy goes, “I’m still in school. Didn’t you hear? Nick Davies got me kicked out!” What happened to get this 19-year-old high school student having to repeat 12^th grade you ask? Well according to him, “Nick filled up four water bottles with Vodka and they each drank two full bottles and then went to school. We were blitzed!” Apparently this kid Nick can’t hold his liquor and got busted. Since Nick was sooo wasted and didn’t want to take the fall solo, he ratted out his boy and they both failed. Haha. The mother almost took over me because I wanted to shake him!! (I also wanted to smack him but violence isn’t my thing.) How can this douche bag be so f-ing dumb to blame his friend? Sounds like he drank more Vodka before the school day even started then I can handle in a whole evening! And believe me, this gal can handle her booze. Oh, not to mention that he was 18 and wasted. Sorry I just had to share with you a glimpse into the new “adults” of this world. I’ll drink to that. Actually…make mine a double.

Game on! 

Putting me in the mood for Halloween…

DISCLAIMER: Contains language your mom wouldn’t like.

Just another Manic Monday.

Where to start…I’ve been lagging I know. We celebrated Mike’s birthday on Saturday and whooo hooo he’s finally 30! Hello my name is Ali and I’m a cradle robber. (Hi Ali!) I also got a little part-time gig at my old school. It should be pretty cool although it isn’t going to be extra money in the end. It will however be extra experience, which works too. I forgot how hard it is to wake up “early” and how the traffic on the 405 in the morning is some bullshit. Good times. I also picked up another freelance writing job for a medical marijuana magazine. Talk about stretching one’s mind. Exactly. Work shit aside…

Erin and I went to see The Bangles last week after I won some tickets on Jill FM. Those bitches sound and look INCREDIBLE and they are 50!!! WTF? Note to self: apply more eye cream. I didn’t realize until we got there I only really know four songs so sitting through the other songs just meant stellar people watching. Which I love and which was excellent as expected. 

I’m still doing the countdown of course, eight days away in case you were wondering. I was so pumped because on NBA TV they air a few preseason games and this Sunday (after sloooooow moving…I mean exciting football) it was my 76ers and the Suns. Awesome right? (At least for me.) Well it turned out to be not so awesome because it was broadcast out of Mexico. Now don’t get me wrong, (Sandra the hater) I love Mexico. I just don’t love that they broadcast the whole game in Spanish. VERY UNCOOL. Not that I think Spanish is uncool…but…when I want to hear the commentary it makes it rather difficult. Although I did love the way they pronounced Stoudemire. They made it seem like he might be related (somehow) to Sonia Sotomayo. Brilliant!

So as you all know basketball is my thing, not baseball. Tonight however, my neighbor is going balls out crazy over the Dodgers/ Phillies game. I decided when he hoots and hollers at whatever the Dodgers are doing; I’d return the favor by doing the exact opposite. Lucky for my eyes…I turned this game on. I always think of baseball players as sloppy fat dudes who are nearing midlife so imagine my surprise when I saw this guy Matt Kemp on the Dodgers!! Hello daddy! I don’t know who he is but I must Google. I’m still not rooting for them though. (No offence Mikey) Not just because of my a-hole neighbor either, because of Jimmy Rollins. Damn…no I’m not switching sports but…damn!

Hip Hop Honors.

Hell yeah. If you missed the Hip Hop Honors on VH-1 you are trippin. Truth be told, I actually almost missed it but thankfully Sharon called me to remind me. Tracy Morgan hosted this “25 years” tribute to Def Jam and it was AMAZING!!! Actually, it will never top the tribute to Jam Master Jay when DJ Jazzy Jeff KILLED it on the “ones and two’s” but it was pretty damn close. While anyone can cover “Rock The Bells,” not just anyone can be Redman or Method Man. THANKFULLY those two “Man’s” showed up and believe me, I was up and dancing. Makes me think of all the concerts Sharon and I have been to of Red and Meth. (We’re on a nickname of a nickname basis by the way.) What is it 11 times now? They rocked the damn house. Mine included. And Mary J. Blige? I rapped/ sang every word hoping Haven didn’t wake up and make fun of me for rapping. Hidden talents, you didn’t know? Also remarkable was Foxy Brown…who I miss to no end. I love me some Foxy Brown. Not in that way sickos…you wish. She looks like she packed on more than a few pounds but I don’t care. I wish she’d go on tour and only do her old shit. New stuff is fine but her old stuff was the best. You really need to catch it on a re-run. You wont be sorry. Well, if you don’t like Hip Hop then you’ll be sorry you tuned in but you get what I’m selling.

I also wanted to mention a R.I.P. to Captain Lou Albano. I used to love watching WWF with my dad when I was a kid. George “The Animal” Steele was my favorite but Lou Albano was a close second. I gained a newfound love for him when he was in Cyndi Lauper’s video for “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” which was played the eff out on my record player. Yeah I said record player. I’m old so what? I will never forget Lou’s piercing in his cheek with the rubber band hanging off of it. Sick but obviously an innovator. I mean, I am guessing T.I., aka Tip, aka Rubber Band Man got his inspiration from Lou. Rest is peace Lou.